Are we approaching peak Beyoncé? This weekend HBO debuted Life Is But a Dream, a documentary about Beyoncé, directed by Beyoncé, featuring Beyoncé performances and video diaries. A feature-length selfie, basically, from one of the few living humans who can turn "feature-length selfie" into must-see TV. In 94 minutes, Beyoncé uses 577 singular first-person pronouns. She sings fifteen songs, bares her pregnant belly twice, and says "Blue" seven times. Life Is But a Dream, by the numbers:
Times Beyoncé says or sings "Me": 93
Times Beyoncé says "God": 9
Times Beyoncé says "Destiny's Child": 0
Times Beyoncé says or sings "Blue": 7, to the tune of "Heart and Soul."
Total singular first-person pronouns uttered by Beyoncé, both spoken and in song: 577
Bare baby bumps: 2
Bare baby bumps wearing belly chains: 1
First mention of "my dad": 49 seconds, "My dad knew I needed his approval."
First mention of "God": 11 minutes, "Thank God for my computer."
First mention of "my husband": 21 minutes, "And make love to my husband."
First mention of "my mother": 30 minutes, "I grew up in a house with my mother, who owned a hair salon."
Scenes Beyoncé shot selfie-style with handheld digital devices: 25 (estimated)
Scenes showing Beyoncé shooting selfie-style scenes with handheld digital devices: 2
Manicure close-ups: 4
Chipped nails: 0
Scenes depicting Beyoncé hair upkeep: 3. In one, Beyoncé cuts her own hair. In another, Beyoncé lies in a hospital bed, preparing to give birth to Blue Ivy, while her mother sets her hair.
Scenes depicting screaming matches over fake hair: 1, in which choreographer Frank Gatson berates a room full of dancers: "There is no way in hell you're supposed to go out there with your hair not sewed in! ... I can take this motherfucking hat and go get me some weave glue, get me some superglue, I can do whatever and get this hat on my head. That's bullshit! I hate shit like that!"
Identically matched male dancing duos: 2. The pair on the left are from Mozambique; Beyoncé found them on YouTube and flew them to L.A. to teach her their moves. The pair on the right are Beyoncé back-up dancers.
Private Jets: 1
Things Blue Ivy does: 10
Complete list of things Blue Ivy does: Makes Beyoncé "nauseous," makes Beyoncé's costumes not fit, kicks five times, appears in a sonogram, requires acknowledgement at the VMAs, ignores surrogacy rumors, is sung to, is born, is handed to Beyoncé, is held.
Songs Beyoncé sings: 15
Coldplay songs Beyoncé sings: 1, "Yellow," sung in unison with Jay-Z over a restaurant dinner. "Jay-Jay I love you so," Bey sings.
Crowds screaming "Beyoncé!": 4
Crowds chanting "Be-yon-cé!": 1
Most Viewed Stories
Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna Reportedly Broke Up
Donald Trump Spent the Morning After the Debate Fat-Shaming Miss Universe, Again
It’s Finally Possible to Understand What Happened to Amanda Knox
Hillary Clinton’s Sickest Debate Burns
Ask a Boss: My Co-worker Wants Everyone to Call Her Boyfriend Her ‘Master’!
2009 Called — It Wants Its Vogue-Versus-Bloggers Fight Back.
22 Intimate Lost Photos of Marilyn Monroe
Former Miss Universe Becomes U.S. Citizen So She Can Vote Against Trump
Area Woman Interrupted by Man 25 Times in 26 Minutes
Our Scowling Hero Breaks a Smile
From Our Partners
powered by PubExchange
The Cut’s Latest Love and War FeaturesThe Novelist Disguised As a Housewife
Shirley Jackson wrote 17 books while raising four children — and she couldn't have had a successful career without them.Ava DuVernay on Hollywood Racism, Modern-Day Slavery, and Why She’s Still an Optimist
The director, whose new documentary The 13th chronicles America’s history of racial subjugation, talks to Rebecca Traister about Bill Clinton, Newt Gingrich, and the modern criminal-justice system.What No One Tells Couples Trying to Conceive
It helps to be rich.The Hidden Black Women Who Helped Win the Space Race
A segregated unit of mathematicians born of desperation during World War II became the secret to NASA’s success.Slut-Shaming Squids Are Everywhere
The “Bermuda Square” comic strip is back.Santigold’s New Video Is the Result of a Spontaneous Run-in With Kara Walker
The collaboration that dreams are made of.Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield Spotted Together Again, Love Might Be Real
They could be back together ahh!Teen, Forced to Go on Vacation With Her Family, Calls 911
The logical decision.Report: Hearst Fired Seventeen EIC Michelle Tan During Her Maternity Leave
Tan had been at the magazine for about two years.Good Morning America Host Amy Robach Apologizes for Saying ‘Colored People’ on Air
She quickly apologized.
That’s one way to do it.Don’t Mess This Up, Mischa Barton
Marissa Cooper is poised for a comeback ... maybe.California Votes to Remove Time Limit on Prosecuting Rape Cases
In light of the Bill Cosby case.Beyoncé’s Behind-the-Scenes Lemonade Photos Belong in a Museum
She had the "Boycott Beyoncé" sign already in formation on set.The Rise of the Male Celebrity Full-Frontal
An ex-publicist explains.Gabby Douglas Will Be a Miss America Judge
The gold-medal gymnast will help choose the 2017 pageant winner.Camille Becerra’s Photo Diary of Rockaway Beach
An ideal trip to add and cross off your summer bucket list.Sorry Nerds, Ian McKellen Won’t Officiate Your Expensive Lord of the Rings–Themed Wedding
Not even for $1.5 million.Miles Teller Is Still Upset About Being Called a Dick
He wants to set the record straight.Why Parents Shouldn’t Talk About Weight With Their Teens
New guidelines seek to banish weight talk.