Moving in together! According to some, it's an uninterrupted slumber party featuring the best of both your furniture and half the rent. Such bliss. Such savings. But where do you put all your secret stuff? This New York Times Home & Garden report on the hidden lives of live-in significant others and spouses offers myriad suggestions: inside a breaker box, in Tupperware on high shelves, in the wall cavity behind a loose piece of moulding, behind framed pictures on the walls. That last one is an especially good place for your apocalypse-scenario cash/emergency party fund, we hear.
As for what people are hiding, if the Times is to be believed, women are mostly hiding junk food and chocolate — out of a mix of shame for eating it and the fear that their significant other will eat it first. Men are mostly hiding their porn, as they should, but not because it’s bad or disrespectful or threatening. They just have embarrassingly poor taste in porn.
“There were pictures from the Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee sex tape — how dated is that?” said Stacey, who did not want her last name used to protect the identity of the former boyfriend. “I tore it all up and put it right back where it was hidden, just to see if he would say anything.”
Cut staffers and their significant others were more uniform in the things they hid: extravagant clothing purchases and weed. Both relied on spylike tactics to render things hidden in plain site. One reported disguising weed as unappetizing leftovers with tinfoil; another couldn’t locate her boyfriend's stash. One Cut boyfriend hides new, expensive athletic gear in a duffel bag — where it presumably goes unwashed — while Cut women hid the tags of expensive clothing purchases in the bottom of the trash, as opposed to the clothes themselves. (“I’ve had this for years. I can’t believe you don’t remember.”) Letters from old flames go in the pages of books, preferably the least appealing ones; one Cut staffer uses a biography of Catherine the Great.
Of course, hiding the emotionally consequential stuff — evidence of past (or current!) relationships, that fantasy screenplay — is becoming an increasingly digital concern. Locked folders and photo-hiding apps can arouse suspicion — the kids today consider passwords of any kind a barrier to intimacy. Divorce lawyer Randall M. Kellser told the Times of a client with a promising but expensive work-around: a duplicate of his iPad exclusively for conducting an affair. And he would have gotten away with it, too, if he hadn’t synced to the home computer. Second bag, meet second phone.
Most Viewed Stories
How Angelina Jolie Won the First Big Battle in Her Divorce
25 Famous Women on Being Alone
It’s Time to Get Over Your White Feelings and Start Taking Action for Black Lives
22 Intimate Lost Photos of Marilyn Monroe
Everything We Know About Brad Pitt’s Plane Incident
Jaden Smith on the Many Subtle Flavors of Water
Taylor Swift’s Squad Begged Kim Kardashian for Mercy
Gigi Hadid Fought Back Against a Creepy Stranger Who Grabbed Her
Adam Levine and Behati Prinsloo Unveiled Their Baby on Instagram
The 6 Best Denim Shops on Etsy
From Our Partners
powered by PubExchange
The Cut’s Latest Love and War FeaturesAva DuVernay on Hollywood Racism, Modern-Day Slavery, and Why She’s Still an Optimist
The director, whose new documentary The 13th chronicles America’s history of racial subjugation, talks to Rebecca Traister about Bill Clinton, Newt Gingrich, and the modern criminal-justice system.What No One Tells Couples Trying to Conceive
It helps to be rich.The Hidden Black Women Who Helped Win the Space Race
A segregated unit of mathematicians born of desperation during World War II became the secret to NASA’s success.Slut-Shaming Squids Are Everywhere
The “Bermuda Square” comic strip is back.Santigold’s New Video Is the Result of a Spontaneous Run-in With Kara Walker
The collaboration that dreams are made of.Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield Spotted Together Again, Love Might Be Real
They could be back together ahh!Teen, Forced to Go on Vacation With Her Family, Calls 911
The logical decision.Report: Hearst Fired Seventeen EIC Michelle Tan During Her Maternity Leave
Tan had been at the magazine for about two years.Good Morning America Host Amy Robach Apologizes for Saying ‘Colored People’ on Air
She quickly apologized.Unknown NFL Player Tries to Get Attention by Asking Aly Raisman Out in Video
That’s one way to do it.
Marissa Cooper is poised for a comeback ... maybe.California Votes to Remove Time Limit on Prosecuting Rape Cases
In light of the Bill Cosby case.Beyoncé’s Behind-the-Scenes Lemonade Photos Belong in a Museum
She had the "Boycott Beyoncé" sign already in formation on set.The Rise of the Male Celebrity Full-Frontal
An ex-publicist explains.Gabby Douglas Will Be a Miss America Judge
The gold-medal gymnast will help choose the 2017 pageant winner.Camille Becerra’s Photo Diary of Rockaway Beach
An ideal trip to add and cross off your summer bucket list.Sorry Nerds, Ian McKellen Won’t Officiate Your Expensive Lord of the Rings–Themed Wedding
Not even for $1.5 million.Miles Teller Is Still Upset About Being Called a Dick
He wants to set the record straight.Why Parents Shouldn’t Talk About Weight With Their Teens
New guidelines seek to banish weight talk.UVA Student Assaulted at Knifepoint During Orientation Weekend
But some students weren't notified until 24 hours later.