Martha Stewart Seeks Tall, Wealthy Nonsmoker for Bed, Breakfast

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Last week, Martha Stewart told Matt Lauer she had tried and failed to fill out a Match.com profile. She just felt too silly. This week she succeeded, with the help of Match.com CEO Sam Yagan, and, in an odd bit of synergy, her nephew-in-law is Dan Slater, author of Love In the Time of Algorithms: What Technology Does to Meeting and Mating. On a follow-up Today interview yesterday, crew members can be heard laughing in the background as the 71-year-old tells a dumbfounded Matt Lauer, “I’d like to have breakfast with somebody. I’d like to go to bed with somebody. Sleep with somebody.”

The New York Post chose the most literal interpretation of Stewart's uncharacteristically personal revelation for today's cover, and it is hard to imagine what else Stewart needs a man for. She's very wealthy. She has excellent legal representation. She can caulk her own damn windows. On her now-complete Match.com profile, which does not use her real name but is public, the "very liberal" Leo adds that she would prefer to "enhance her dating life" with someone who makes more than $150,000, has a graduate degree ("can teach me new things"), and is five foot ten or taller.