Rihanna Grabbing Her Crotch: An Analysis

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Last night, modern bard of the cunnilingus paean Rihanna  performed with "an unabashedly sexual swagger," "grop[ing] her crotch" on the stage of Los Angeles's Staples Center. What is the meaning of all this crotch grabbing? A careful study suggests that Rihanna has five unique crotch-grabbing techniques, ranging from Illuminati handshakes to vaginal ventriloquism.