Gwyneth Paltrow’s Met Gala Smack Talk: Pros vs. Cons

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After complaining to USA Today last week that the Met Ball was "un-fun," Gwyneth Paltrow shit-talked the gala some more during a drunken dinner in New York with two Australian radio show hosts known as Kyle and Jackie O, who apparently won a meal with her in some sort of contest. After confessing that she was drunk, Paltrow discussed how dreadful the ball was and then expounded on her recent adventures in vagina-shaving. You can listen to the full recording below, but we've transcribed all the salient parts. 

The recording begins when Jackie O and Kyle first arrive at the table. "I am drunk already," Paltrow confesses. "I had a martini, and it went straight to my head, and now wine with no food." Kyle then asks her how the "Met thing" was, and she responds:

Do you want me to be honest? It sucked. It seems like the best thing in the world. You think, 'Oh my god, it's going to be so glamorous and amazing, and you're going to see all these famous people.' And then you get there, and it's so hot, and so crowded, and everyone's pushing you. This year it was really intense. It wasn't fun! Kanye West was playing, and he was furious, and he threw his microphone down. It was all drama! I don't know why he was furious. And everyone was dressed in punk ... and I feel that we're all a bit old to be dressed punk, you know what I mean? I didn't. I just went kind of normal ...

So we're at the Met Ball, and our son is obsessed with [Psy]. So Chris sees him, and was like, 'Oh my God, there's Psy!' And I was confused, because I thought it was [pronounced] P-S-Y. So I was like, 'Who's Psy?' But so we went up, and Chris was like, 'Hello, I'm from the band Coldplay,' and Psy did not seem to know [him]. But then he put it together, and we were like, 'We're so sorry to bother you, but can we have a picture for our children?' Check it. Isn't that good? I like his style! It's like, MC Hammer meets a Scottish something. I don't know what's happening.

Jackie O then explains that Kyle has lots more questions for Paltrow, but they're all "too outrageous." This only intrigues the actress. "Ask me!" she demands. Kyle then references Paltrow's recent interview with Ellen Degeneres, during which she claimed to have "a big seventies bush," and voices his disapproval: "I don't like that you're bringing back the bush. No one wants it! Don't make it trendy." She says:

I was kidding! [Laughs hysterically.] You know, I was on Ellen, and I had this dress on at this premiere, and it was see-through on the sides ... how dirty can I be here? [They assure her that she can 'go ahead.'] So this is when I shaved my bush. [Jackie O explains out loud that Paltrow is showing her a picture of a cut-off ponytail.] Just kidding! My stylist just donated her hair to Locks of Love, for kids with cancer, so I just cut off her ponytail today. That's her ponytail, not my vagina. Anyway, I had an emergency. Basically, since I wasn't wearing underwear with the dress, things weren't tucked in properly. So they were like, 'You need to shave it.' So I said that to Ellen, and she was like, 'Well, it was only on the sides,' and I was like, 'No, I've got a big seventies bush,' but I was kidding. But it was all a disaster. And now I look like an 8-year-old girl.

She then proceeds to assure him that she does, in fact, get bikini waxes. Overall, she sounds a little drunk but not terribly so, and comes across as terrifically funny and chatty. It's also clear that she knows she's being recorded — hence her "how dirty can I be" question. So, we can conclude that she knew what she was doing throughout the interview. 

The question is, then, what is Paltrow's incentive for bad-mouthing the Met Gala? It's one thing to clarify a few things about the shaving incident, since that door was already opened on national television, and a personal grooming confession makes her seem more relatable. But pitting herself against the powers that be at Vogue is quite another story. We've analyzed the pros and cons of her candor.

Pros
- She was just being honest! She had a crappy time. Her earnesty is refreshing.
- It's never been done before. Everyone is always mooning about how faaaabulous and wonnnderful the Met Gala was, and she's the first to say differently. 
- It shows she's above kissing Vogue's ass, which is brave. 
- The fact that even the "most beautiful" woman in the world can be unhappy at a fancy party makes her more relatable. 

Cons
- It makes her seem ungrateful to be at one of the world's most exclusive parties.
- It could hurt her relationship with Vogue, a magazine that has put her on its cover seven times. 
- It could also damage her relationship with Anna Wintour, who now has a hand in every Condé Nast magazine and therefore isn't someone you want to piss off. 
- It's rude to gossip about how terrible someone else's party was.

So, the upsides and downsides are about equal. One thing's for sure: She won't be invited back next year, which is fine, because she didn't want to go anyway.

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