Like the college seniors currently engaged in the ancient rite of the senior scramble, the middle of May brings a rash of celebrity makeups and breakups. Join us as we recap the weekend’s news from on-again-off-again couples such as Robsten, Jelena, and more, and look to their futures.
Off: Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, a.k.a. “Robsten”
A source tells People that Pattinson has called it quits after three years of on-and-off dating Stewart.
Past: Robsten was a couple made in franchise heaven until Stewart was caught canoodling with her married boss in her dirty gym clothes. The two were reportedly in a trial reconciliation until Pattinson blew off the pool party Stewart planned for his 27th birthday to hang out with the guys. So basically, they’re even.
Forecast: Bleak. Kristen is reportedly on round-the-clock friend watch in her L.A. home. Plus, their whole relationship was a total marketing sham/mutual bearding/insert your own conspiracy theory.
On: Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber, a.k.a. “Jelena”
At the Billboard Awards in Las Vegas this weekend, Jelena was reunited and in their element. First, the two took in a Cirque du Soleil show called Love. Then they were seated next to each other at the awards show and allegedly “nuzzled.” Backstage, the pair was caught sharing a cheek kiss as Taylor Swift stuck her tongue out in disgust.
Past: The child stars' two-year relationship is marked by age-appropriate drama that plays out exclusively on very grown-up-seeming, PDA-heavy vacations. Since Gomez walked out on their Mexican vacation late last year, their occasional meetups have been documented in fleeting and cryptic Instagrams.
Forecast: Inconclusive. At the show, Bieber performed in his droppingest-crotch pants yet. The garment is known to drive Gomez to romantic confusion.
On: Hilary Rhoda and Sean Avery, a.k.a. “Hilavery”
Rageaholic Rangers player turned adman Sean Avery and model Hilary Rhoda are reportedly “rekindling.” Avery told the New York Post: “Ya we got married.”
Past: A pairing with Anna Wintour's fingerprints all over it, the former Men’s Vogue intern stole the athletic supermodel away from Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez in the summer of 2009. They were photographed together on-and-off until last summer, when, according to the Post, they broke it off “for what looked like good.”
Forecast: Not good. No known great loves began with sarcastic marriage announcements in the New York Post.
On: Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne, a.k.a.Mr. and Mrs. Osbourne
Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne were seen having lunch and walking the red carpet together this weekend, possibly ending their months-long detente.
Past: After 31 years of love and reality television, Sharon moved out earlier this spring after Ozzy’s drug and alcohol relapse.
Forecast: Excellent. As a hybrid spouse-manager, Sharon has Ozzy well-trained: He has been detailing his renewed sobriety and apologizing to his family in public Facebook posts.
On: Stefon and Seth Meyers
On the SNL season finale, Seth Meyers broke up a wedding between Bill Hader’s Stefon and Anderson Cooper in order to run away, The Graduate–style, with the "Weekend Update" correspondent.
Past: Stefon has served as a sporadic city correspondent on Meyers’s "Weekend Update" since 2008.
Forecast: Poor. With Meyers moving to Late Night in 2014 and Hader, who will not return to SNL next season, promising not to make a Stefon movie, it looks like curtains for the duo.
Most Viewed Stories
Jesse Williams and Aryn Drake-Lee Divorcing After Five Years of Marriage
Serena Williams Responds to Male Tennis Player’s Racist Remark About Her Pregnancy
I Was the Queen Bee: 3 High-School Bullies Describe Their Reigns of Terror
Hey, Did You Know That French Presidential Candidate Emmanuel Macron Is Married to His High-School Teacher?
Will We Abandon Women’s Rights in the Name of Progressive Politics?
American Lingerie Companies Don’t Do Big Boobs Justice
A Woman Used Her Boyfriend’s Balls As a Makeup Blender
What It’s Like to Have Tina Fey As a Mentor
First, She Escaped a Cult. Now She’s Running for Office.
4 Psychology Experts on Why Alex Jones Is Always Taking His Shirt Off
The Cut’s Latest Love and War FeaturesA Holiday Season Weekend Through London
A good guide for avid The Crown fans.It’s About Time You Learned Tove Lo’s Name
The singer has crafted pop hits you’ve heard a thousand times by now.Marina Abramovic Has Outlasted Her Lovers and, She Hopes, Her Critics
The world's most famous performance artist at 70.The Wing: Do Women Still Need a Space of Their Own?
This exclusive social club for women, is part sorority, part start-up.In Virtual Reality, Women Run the World
A new generation of female artists is making VR the most diverse corner of the male-dominated tech space.The Novelist Disguised As a Housewife
Shirley Jackson wrote 17 books while raising four children — and she couldn't have had a successful career without them.Ava DuVernay on Hollywood Racism, Modern-Day Slavery, and Why She’s Still an Optimist
The director, whose new documentary The 13th chronicles America’s history of racial subjugation, talks to Rebecca Traister about Bill Clinton, Newt Gingrich, and the modern criminal-justice system.What No One Tells Couples Trying to Conceive
It helps to be rich.The Hidden Black Women Who Helped Win the Space Race
A segregated unit of mathematicians born of desperation during World War II became the secret to NASA’s success.Slut-Shaming Squids Are Everywhere
The “Bermuda Square” comic strip is back.
The collaboration that dreams are made of.Good Morning America Host Amy Robach Apologizes for Saying ‘Colored People’ on Air
She quickly apologized.Unknown NFL Player Tries to Get Attention by Asking Aly Raisman Out in Video
That’s one way to do it.Don’t Mess This Up, Mischa Barton
Marissa Cooper is poised for a comeback ... maybe.California Votes to Remove Time Limit on Prosecuting Rape Cases
In light of the Bill Cosby case.Beyoncé’s Behind-the-Scenes Lemonade Photos Belong in a Museum
She had the "Boycott Beyoncé" sign already in formation on set.The Rise of the Male Celebrity Full-Frontal
An ex-publicist explains.Gabby Douglas Will Be a Miss America Judge
The gold-medal gymnast will help choose the 2017 pageant winner.Camille Becerra’s Photo Diary of Rockaway Beach
An ideal trip to add and cross off your summer bucket list.Sorry Nerds, Ian McKellen Won’t Officiate Your Expensive Lord of the Rings–Themed Wedding
Not even for $1.5 million.