Kim Kardashian continues to perform her signature attention alchemy, turning the most banal of human experiences into mass media feeding frenzies, on the cover of Us Weekly. Have the corporeal changes associated with pregnancy ever been so riveting, so capable of selling magazines, so adroit at inspiring discussions that absolutely everyone hates having, but we can't stop having them, for some reason?
Which brings us to Kim's Us Weekly cover, featuring a pregnant string bikini picture from the Kardashian family's recent trip to Greece. My reactions, upon falling into a trance while gazing it at, were the following:
• Is this the skimpiest string bikini ever worn by a pregnant lady? My "pregnant string bikini" Google search yielded many results (string bikinis are adjustable, after all) but none with a coverage-to-string ratio as low as that of Kim's bottoms.
• Googling "pregnant thong bikini," on the other hand, yields very little. Opportunity?
• Those braids! Do you think Kim watches Game of Thrones?
• If the Kardashians were a Game of Thrones family, would they be wealth-obsessed Lannisters? Or would they be Dothraki warriors, slicking their long black hair into tight, oiled ponytails before entering the red-carpet battlefield?
• Those are the most well-moisturized knees I have ever seen.
• When your "Family Vacation Album" appears in the form of exclusive paparazzi images for which you styled yourself with full makeup, designer garments, and professional hairdos, do you put the magazine in your scrapbook? Or does Us Weekly send you a copy bound in leather, as a thank-you?
• The article says Kim is "loving the seventh month." Don't most women's bellybuttons "pop" by then?
• Can someone photoshop her floral Givenchy glove-sleeves onto this bikini, please?
Most Viewed Stories
It’s Harder to Be Thin Than It Was in the ’80s
Why Do I Jerk Awake Right As I’m Falling Asleep?
From Up Close, Raf Simons’s Vision for Dior Is Clear
The World’s Easiest Way to Highlight Your Face
A Pregnant Supermodel Explains What She Eats
Meet the Prom Queen of Instagram
Sleater-Kinney on Riot Grrl, Reuniting, and Portlandia
Michelle Obama: No Boy Is Cute Enough to Keep You From Getting an Education
Céline’s Woman-Friendly Triumph
Selfie Sorority Uses Media Frenzy for Good Cause
From Our Partners
Michelle Obama Dropped Some Wisdom Every Young Girl Should Hear
The Truth About How (& Where) Hair Extensions Are Made
SELF: The One Thing Pedicurists Want You To Know
Gentrification at the Goodwill: Not Even New York’s Thrift Stores Are For the Poor
powered by PubExchange
Latest News from The CutAmerican Apparel Files for Bankruptcy
Current shareholders, including Dov Charney, will no longer control the company.Ellie Kemper Thinks Kimmy Schmidt Would Fit In Well In Greenpoint
Nobody bats an eye at the character’s outfits because “everybody there dresses like that.”Sigourney Weaver on Talking to Ronald Reagan About Abortion Rights
He didn’t want to chat.This Santa Monica Loft Is a Neon Escape From New York Winters
Where an Upper East Side couple flees when the cold becomes unbearable.Bright Coats for Cold Days
New York women in winter's least-boring outerwear, from bright-green alpaca fur to leopard-print mohair.The Retired Modeling Agent Who Loves Empire
“I started my own agency — we represented Twiggy — but went off to be assistant to the actor Yul Brynner, who was dating my roommate at the time.”Witness a Photographer’s Affair With Los Angeles
Bruce Davidson captured the city in 1964, and again almost 50 years later.Céline’s Woman-Friendly Triumph
Phoebe Philo remains in touch with what women want to wear.Sleater-Kinney on Riot Grrl, Reuniting, and Portlandia
10 things we learned from their New Yorker Festival panel.Watch the Akris Livestream
And don't count John Galliano out at Margiela yet.5 Things I Want to Wear From Paris: Part 2
Cropped sweaters, a spangled skirt, and more.Cool Cocktail Dresses Inspired by the Philippines
From the up-and-comers behind Mestiza.Jaden Smith and Kesha Partied This Week
Along with Cindy Crawford, Anjelica Huston, Rita Ora, and Lena Dunham.Kendall Jenner and Gigi Hadid Partied in Balmain
Plus: more highlights from Paris Fashion Week's parties, including Jared Leto.Even Barbie Wants Kim Kardashian’s Makeup Artist
Life in plastic, it's fantastic.This Is How You Should Smell for Fall
Hint: not like a pumpkin.8 Actually Good Things That Happened This Week
Baby sea turtles wearing bathing suits and a necklace for your pizza.See All the Street Style From Paris Fashion Week
Featuring wooden platforms, velvet robes, and floor-length ponchos.A Lesson in Beauty Grammar at Dior
What "past future perfect" means in terms of hair and makeup.