Krisis: Kimye Baby Name May Not Start With a K

LOS ANGELES, CA - MAY 12: Kim Kardashian and rapper Kanye West talk from their courtside seats before the Los Angeles Lakers take on the Denver Nuggets in Game Seven of the Western Conference Quarterfinals in the 2012 NBA Playoffs on May 12, 2012 at Staples Center in Los Angeles, California. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Harry How/Getty Images) Photo: Harry How/Getty Images

Forget everything you know. Nothing is sacred. Today Us Weekly increases entropy in the universe by reporting that Kimye's baby's name "definitely does not start with a K, despite all the rumors that have been out." (Like this one.) This is tough to sort out because E! was the first to promulgate the K-name rumor, and E! is Keeping Up with the Kardashians' home network. But Us Weekly regularly photographs Kardashian vacations exclusively and stuff, so they have an "in," too.

The only explanation is that this baby has no name. Her name is a doodle, like "The Artist Formerly Known as Prince." Her name is Emoji. Her name is the crash of a symbol, the chime of an iPhone, the sound of the ocean inside a pink conch shell.