Do you have one of those friends who expects you to celebrate not just her birthday, but her birthday week? Meaning you must be available for dinner on her actual birthday, a blowout party the nearest weekend night, and hangover brunch the morning after that? Chrissy Teigen is like that, but with her wedding. The food-blogging, reality-show-hosting, slut-shaming Sports Illustrated swimsuit model has been engaged to singer John Legend for as long as we’ve known who she is (since November 2011). She’s not a Bridezilla, exactly — she drives her wedding planner nuts by not answering her e-mails — but she has been talking about her wedding for more than eighteen months. She's always the bride.
After Teigen and Legend had been affianced for a year without setting a wedding date, Teigen told the tabloids she’d given Legend a wedding ultimatum: marry her by 2014 or she’s out. (She was 100 percent joking, she later clarified.) By February, Teigen was choosing between four different wedding dresses, all Vera Wang, but was back to square one, location-wise, having scrapped a plan to wed at a “beautiful farm” in Tennessee.
In May, there were rumors Legend had been making out with a blonde at a bar, which came unfortunately on the heels of Teigen’s Twitter proclamation that she might get along better with her haters if "so many" "didn’t want to fuck [her] fiance," and which she quickly rejoined with sarcastic denials. So no one blamed Teigen when, at her bridal shower thrown by Gillette Venus razors, she revealed that her pre-wedding beauty ritual would mostly just be taking some Xanax.
Since then, she’s revealed to People that her crepe wedding cake is “the only thing” she’s picky about (“I’m not a big sweets person which is why I’m really specific about the cake"), and the Post’s spies overheard Teigen saying the wedding will happen at Lake Como in September.
But even then, Teigen's wedding won't really be over. The latest in her long prenuptial saga is the bridal bikini line she designed for Beach Bunny, which debuted at Miami’s Fashion Week Swim this week and will go on sale in September, People magazine reports. In the past, Kate Upton has served as the face of the bridal line, whose veils look like a total nightmare, even without all the wind and sand.
Teigen’s designs were inspired by her planned honeymoon in the Maldives, where she and Legend first got engaged, during Obama's first term. It might also be her most legitimately newsworthy wedding plan yet. A crepe cake is one thing. “Bikini” is one of the hardest bridal looks to pull off, one reserved for the kind of woman who can rock an exposed garter. To date, only Pamela Anderson has been known to successfully deploy it, at her wedding to Kid Rock.
Teigen’s designs feature Chantilly lace trim, Swarovski crystal detailing, and the word BRIDE, emblazoned on the butt. “While the swimwear had to be eye-popping as well as functional for honeymoon travel, it also needed to stand apart from other styles on the beach,” she said of the butt-text. “So we added a little humor!” And so even those who don't read Us Weekly will know she’s a bride, every day of her beach honeymoon and forever afterwards. Risk of Honeymoonster syndrome: high.
Shop: Outfit of the Week
Most Viewed Stories
I Tried Hillary Clinton’s Diet and Now I Sympathize With Her
Blake Lively Reportedly Just Gave Birth, and You’ll Never Guess Who’s Running to the Hospital
Brad Pitt Fights Back Against Angelina Jolie and Her Plot to ‘Destroy’ Him
Looks Like Kate Middleton Is Enjoying the View in Canada
Angelina Jolie Got Everything She Wanted in Temporary Divorce Deal With Brad Pitt
What It’s Like to Be a Female Reporter Covering Donald Trump
The Best Part of Being a Royal Is Getting to Pet Bunnies
The Mysterious Deaths of Two Sisters in a Luxury Hotel
22 Intimate Lost Photos of Marilyn Monroe
Megyn Kelly Roasts Trump’s Campaign Manager for Claiming He Doesn’t Make Sexist Comments
From Our Partners
powered by PubExchange
The Cut’s Latest Love and War FeaturesThe Novelist Disguised As a Housewife
Shirley Jackson wrote 17 books while raising four children — and she couldn't have had a successful career without them.Ava DuVernay on Hollywood Racism, Modern-Day Slavery, and Why She’s Still an Optimist
The director, whose new documentary The 13th chronicles America’s history of racial subjugation, talks to Rebecca Traister about Bill Clinton, Newt Gingrich, and the modern criminal-justice system.What No One Tells Couples Trying to Conceive
It helps to be rich.The Hidden Black Women Who Helped Win the Space Race
A segregated unit of mathematicians born of desperation during World War II became the secret to NASA’s success.Slut-Shaming Squids Are Everywhere
The “Bermuda Square” comic strip is back.Santigold’s New Video Is the Result of a Spontaneous Run-in With Kara Walker
The collaboration that dreams are made of.Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield Spotted Together Again, Love Might Be Real
They could be back together ahh!Teen, Forced to Go on Vacation With Her Family, Calls 911
The logical decision.Report: Hearst Fired Seventeen EIC Michelle Tan During Her Maternity Leave
Tan had been at the magazine for about two years.Good Morning America Host Amy Robach Apologizes for Saying ‘Colored People’ on Air
She quickly apologized.
That’s one way to do it.Don’t Mess This Up, Mischa Barton
Marissa Cooper is poised for a comeback ... maybe.California Votes to Remove Time Limit on Prosecuting Rape Cases
In light of the Bill Cosby case.Beyoncé’s Behind-the-Scenes Lemonade Photos Belong in a Museum
She had the "Boycott Beyoncé" sign already in formation on set.The Rise of the Male Celebrity Full-Frontal
An ex-publicist explains.Gabby Douglas Will Be a Miss America Judge
The gold-medal gymnast will help choose the 2017 pageant winner.Camille Becerra’s Photo Diary of Rockaway Beach
An ideal trip to add and cross off your summer bucket list.Sorry Nerds, Ian McKellen Won’t Officiate Your Expensive Lord of the Rings–Themed Wedding
Not even for $1.5 million.Miles Teller Is Still Upset About Being Called a Dick
He wants to set the record straight.Why Parents Shouldn’t Talk About Weight With Their Teens
New guidelines seek to banish weight talk.