This App Will Tell You If You’re Good in Bed

Photo: Rob Melnychuk/Corbis

For better or worse, the "Quantified Self" craze has made its way into the bedroom. Betabeat reports on new app Spreadsheet (yes, that is the name), which gauges your bedroom performance. The app allows users to keep a record of how many times they've had sex, the date, time, and "how many thrusts per minute you’re averaging, how long you go for, and exactly how loud it gets."

Since one in ten Americans use their phone during sex anyway, why not turn intimate relations into a game? Spreadsheet offers individuals "achievement levels" that are unlocked with activities like sex in the afternoon (or using a Magic Wand), or sex that lasts for 40 minutes (both score you fifteen points). More points are available for more challenging goals like "Lazy Sunday," which asks that you log five entries on a Sunday. So, to "win" the game, your partner pumps really fast and you yell really loud and that's the secret to good sex! Well, at least now when a woman fakes it, her partner can get a real sense of achievement instead of just the false ego boost.