If Betsey Johnson's show is like a rockin' candy-coated teen sleepover, then The Blonds is an absinthe-drenched one-night stand. (We mean both as a compliment.) And the common thread at both shows, aside from copious sparkle, was also the one person we can picture enjoying both of those concepts, possibly simultaneously: Paris Hilton. We're unsure what to call her anymore, though. Is she still a socialite? Is she still a "personality"? Is she just a girl with a lot of money who likes clothes? Or has she sensed a tremor in the Nebulously Famous Force now that Kim Kardashian is on a break, and decided to fill the vacuum?
Regardless, Paris did seem to enjoy herself tremendously, and we heard several reporters complimenting her — out of her earshot — on being friendly, so at least her instincts have been re-sharpened. At Betsey, she was joined by the equally vaguely famous Adrienne Bailon, and swimsuit model Nina Agdal.
But over at The Blonds, in a sea of revelers dressed in everything from a crystallized welder's helmet to a foot-tall Mohawk, Paris was seated across from figure skater Johnny Weir — in a cobwebby cream sweater and a long skirt that we nearly stepped on when we entered the venue — and down the way from Vampire Diaries star Kat Graham. When Graham told us at Jeremy Scott's show earlier in the day that she'd be wearing a fabulous Blonds corset, she neglected to say what she would not be wearing: namely, pants. Then again, she may not have thought it was worth mentioning, because she was hardly alone on that score among the other gleefully garbed guests. (And three children. If ever there were a show at which children seemed like the wrong accessory, it is one at which we have in the past seen Amanda Lepore's vagina.)
Tyra Banks, however, was most definitely wearing pants. The supermodel entered in a flurry of security guards — three of whom, in pinstriped suits, stood in front of her until the lights went down — and in the crush we noticed that she'd paired her black sparkly bustier with what we would call "slacks" — roomy black trousers with a touch of the mom about them. It bummed us out a little because unadulterated, pantsless Blonds glam is exactly what Tyra would wear on an episode of America's Next Top Model, like in one of those scenes where she pretends to be an alien from Planet Booty Tooch or a Priestess of Smize or something equally regal and made-up.
Even stranger, Tyra didn't give us the full range of reactions we were anticipating. When the lights went down and the Darth Vader breathing began (don't ask — just go with it), the crowd whooped, cheering even louder when Phillipe Blond burst forth from a giant glittery spacesuit, exactly the way we plan to when we fake our own death by sewage-plant explosion and then crash our own funerals. But Tyra remained largely impassive. There was no smize. There was no tooch. There was no tize nor sooch nor hooty flooch, nor any other such Seussian lingo from her resurgent CW show. She pointed excitedly at one gray corset paired with teeny-tiny hot pants, clapped politely at the end of the show, and then was escorted out as quickly and efficiently as if she were Anna Wintour rushing to the U.S. Open final. It was concerning — if Tyra isn't reacting with glee to over-the-top expressions of fabulousness, something surely is wrong with her. Whatever it is, we hope it resolves itself quickly. We don't want to live in a world where Tyra Banks is anything less than exuberant.
For more from the Fug Girls, visit their blog here.BEGIN SLIDESHOW
Most Viewed Stories
Looks Like Kate Middleton Is Enjoying the View in Canada
Trump Campaign Manager Accidentally Refers to His ‘Abuse’ of Women on Live TV
Brad Pitt Fights Back Against Angelina Jolie and Her Plot to ‘Destroy’ Him
Megyn Kelly Roasts Trump’s Campaign Manager for Claiming He Doesn’t Make Sexist Comments
Finally Someone Called Donald Trump a Giant Baby and It Was Michelle Obama
22 Intimate Lost Photos of Marilyn Monroe
What It’s Like to Be a Female Reporter Covering Donald Trump
Prince Married to Commoner Still Too Good to Tweet
Democratic Women Senators Are Very Concerned About Donald Trump’s Weight
It’s Finally Possible to Understand What Happened to Amanda Knox
From Our Partners
powered by PubExchange
The Cut’s Latest Fashion FeaturesCiara's Wedding Dress Was Too Big for the Chapel
To be fair, it was a 13 foot-long dress.You and Rihanna Will Both Want to Invest in Dior’s New Bag
It's got something for everyone.Polo Shirts Have Turned Their Back on Ryan Lochte
Along with his other major sponsors.Ryan Lochte Will No Longer Be Paid to Wear Tiny Bathing Suits
Speedo remains committed to transparency.Laura Brown Is the New Editor-in-Chief of InStyle
After 11 years at Harper’s Bazaar.Tyra Banks Is Going to Teach a Class on Smizing at Stanford
"If I see somebody not paying attention, I’m gonna call on them."This Floating Pier Is the Most Zen Installation Ever
Walking on water in Italy.Nation Is Appalled by Matt Lauer’s Nude Ankles During Ryan Lochte Interview
What’s the opposite of “Jeah”?8 People at the Life of Pablo Pop-up Explain Why Kanye West Is a God
"I mean, Kanye West is just Kanye West. There's not more or less you can say about Kanye West. He's just Mr. West!"A T-shirt Is Enough
Simplicity, versatility, and cool. What more could you want?
She took a perfect pencil dive off a 30-foot yacht.American Apparel Is Being Sued by Former Workers
As the company considers putting itself up for sale.A Gendered History of the Tailored Suit
From Marlon Brando to Coco Chanel.How Zendaya Developed Such Great Style at the Young Age of 19
The star's best looks from Disney to now.Proof That If You’re Chic Enough, a Little Federal Investigation Doesn’t Matter
Is this the best they could do?5,300-Year-Old Mummified Iceman Probably Would’ve Been a Street-Style Star
He had several different looks and was “pretty picky.”J.Crew Has Identified 226 Shades of Pink
Even more than there are shades of gray.Gigi and Bella Hadid Merch Is Now Somehow a Thing That Is Happening
Today in Hadidiana.Gird Your Loins for the Return of Yeezy to New York Fashion Week
The season approaches.This Indie Brand Had a Great Response to Ivanka Trump
When she bought one of their cuffs, they donated the proceeds to the Clinton campaign.