We assumed the first foray into Lena Dunham-related fan fiction would be a lengthy B-story recounting Jessa and Thomas-John's honeymoon, or pages from Shosh's diary, but no. No.
Brooklyn Magazine unearthed the first entry into the canon, and it's pretty foul.
Some creative writing major Someone wrote an exhaustingly long imagined Craigslist missed connection entitled "Lena Dunham's Dick - m4w - 26 (L train)," taking the role of a college ex-boyfriend who dumped Dunham before Girls got big, who is now so emasculated by her success that he can't get it up during a sad tryst with a twee cipher of a woman whom he calls "Babyunicorn85."
Feel free to read it here. The "best" excerpts are slightly too explicit for this post, but just know it contains imagery of Dunham with a large penis and a raw chicken analogy that might make me a vegetarian. Either this anonymous scribe has some rote Freudian issues with female power, or maybe they want to be the indie E.L. James.
UPDATE: Brokelyn found the guy who wrote "Lena Dunham's Dick." His name is Harris Danow, and he's a Wesleyan grad in LA who works as a writer's assistant on The Newsroom. Danow shared the story on his personal website and Reddit before landing on the more viral medium of Craigslist. So. Exactly the kind of guy we imagined.
Most Viewed Stories
Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna Reportedly Broke Up
Donald Trump Spent the Morning After the Debate Fat-Shaming Miss Universe, Again
Hillary Clinton’s Sickest Debate Burns
2009 Called — It Wants Its Vogue-Versus-Bloggers Fight Back.
Ask a Boss: My Co-worker Wants Everyone to Call Her Boyfriend Her ‘Master’!
It’s Finally Possible to Understand What Happened to Amanda Knox
Former Miss Universe Becomes U.S. Citizen So She Can Vote Against Trump
Area Woman Interrupted by Man 25 Times in 26 Minutes
22 Intimate Lost Photos of Marilyn Monroe
Our Scowling Hero Breaks a Smile
From Our Partners
powered by PubExchange
The Cut’s Latest Love and War FeaturesThe Novelist Disguised As a Housewife
Shirley Jackson wrote 17 books while raising four children — and she couldn't have had a successful career without them.Ava DuVernay on Hollywood Racism, Modern-Day Slavery, and Why She’s Still an Optimist
The director, whose new documentary The 13th chronicles America’s history of racial subjugation, talks to Rebecca Traister about Bill Clinton, Newt Gingrich, and the modern criminal-justice system.What No One Tells Couples Trying to Conceive
It helps to be rich.The Hidden Black Women Who Helped Win the Space Race
A segregated unit of mathematicians born of desperation during World War II became the secret to NASA’s success.Slut-Shaming Squids Are Everywhere
The “Bermuda Square” comic strip is back.Santigold’s New Video Is the Result of a Spontaneous Run-in With Kara Walker
The collaboration that dreams are made of.Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield Spotted Together Again, Love Might Be Real
They could be back together ahh!Teen, Forced to Go on Vacation With Her Family, Calls 911
The logical decision.Report: Hearst Fired Seventeen EIC Michelle Tan During Her Maternity Leave
Tan had been at the magazine for about two years.Good Morning America Host Amy Robach Apologizes for Saying ‘Colored People’ on Air
She quickly apologized.
That’s one way to do it.Don’t Mess This Up, Mischa Barton
Marissa Cooper is poised for a comeback ... maybe.California Votes to Remove Time Limit on Prosecuting Rape Cases
In light of the Bill Cosby case.Beyoncé’s Behind-the-Scenes Lemonade Photos Belong in a Museum
She had the "Boycott Beyoncé" sign already in formation on set.The Rise of the Male Celebrity Full-Frontal
An ex-publicist explains.Gabby Douglas Will Be a Miss America Judge
The gold-medal gymnast will help choose the 2017 pageant winner.Camille Becerra’s Photo Diary of Rockaway Beach
An ideal trip to add and cross off your summer bucket list.Sorry Nerds, Ian McKellen Won’t Officiate Your Expensive Lord of the Rings–Themed Wedding
Not even for $1.5 million.Miles Teller Is Still Upset About Being Called a Dick
He wants to set the record straight.Why Parents Shouldn’t Talk About Weight With Their Teens
New guidelines seek to banish weight talk.