Aura Babies Are the New Celebrity Babies

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Photo: Stuart Wilson/Getty Images

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have announced that they want to conceive an “Aura Baby.” This "Aura Baby" will be a part of the SpiediShow, their reality show — which, like the Aura Baby, is not real. 

Basically, the couple has dreamed up a new type of expression of the love between two people. After seeing that so many other, more famous couples combine their fame into one being, adorned with a wacky name and stylish jumpers, the two decided they could do the rest of the world one better. They wanted an idea of a person. So they have concocted the Aura Baby, a soulful combination of their souls.

On her Twitter account, Montag describes exactly what makes a Child of the Aura:

an Aura Baby is a product of the soul born out of the bio-chemistry of the universe! #speidishow

an Aura Baby isn't the child of your fame, not YOUR Aura & NOT Aura like when they say a painting has an Aura #speidishow

an Aura Baby is born of 1 thing — the love of 2 people channeled & focused to go out to the whole world! #speidishow

Contrauraception is the junk that blocks me from the Aura streaming from the universe of LOVE! #speidishow

It is a child both born out of the universe and put into the universe. It cannot be used to describe a painting or any sort of art. It is not already the name of a person. You can use wordplay to prevent an Aura Baby, if you’re not sure you’re in a good place in your life to care for an Aura Baby.

Other than its conception and gestation, an Aura Baby is just like a Boring Regular Baby. It needs a diaper genie to handle the Aura Baby’s Cosmic Poop. The Aura Baby will gain and lose a first set of teeth, which only differ from Boring Regular Baby teeth in that they are made of crystals. The Aura Baby’s first step will tickle the Earth so that every brook babbles and every tree root wiggles. The Aura Baby’s spit-up will contain the dust of an exploded sun.

You must never ask if a woman is with an Aura Baby, though Montag has promised that Pratt will carry this couple’s Aura Baby to term.