The Curious World of Face Bras: An Investigation

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Photo: Japan Trend Shop

Apropos of nothing, today's Daily Mail ran a story about a product called a "face bra" — a rubberized device worn around the head that supposedly slims the jawline and prevents wrinkles. According to one brand, "If you worry about your smile or laugh lines (nasolabial folds), then a simple but effective device like this that you can wear daily is your ticket to combating the signs of ageing." By "wearing daily," they must mean "wearing furtively in the privacy of your own home, preferably alone," because these things look very odd. And considering their questionable effectiveness, they also make you look gullible.

The Mail chose to feature the Hourei Lift Bra, sold by a retailer called Japan Trend Shop for about $40 (it is recommended that you also do "mouth exercises" while wearing it). But "face bras," which are usually called something more dignified yet cumbersome like a "Slim Line Lifting & Shaping Patch," have been marketed in Asia for years. Here's an example of the aforementioned product, available on eBay for $44:

The upside of these absurd-looking items is that they're all relatively inexpensive. But if you don't want to part with any money at all, you could just make one for yourself out of an old Ace bandage, because that's all "the Face Wrap" seems to be.

This version, the "Super Face Hot & Shape Mask Sheet," is single-use and resembles a surgical mask, only pulled down over the chin instead of worn over the mouth.

And this one comes with ear holes so that you can at least hear the TV while you're sitting on your couch alone, waiting for your face to get skinnier.

Moral of the story: Your face does not need Spanx, and for the love of all things holy, spare yourself from researching this weird cosmetic trend on the Internet.