We all know the cupcake bubble has burst, and yes, most of us roll our eyes while gleefully shoveling mini-cakes into our mouths during office birthday parties. But the Guardian's Matt Seaton has a violent, angry distaste for cupcakes, as he shares in his op-ed.
At first it seems his main problem with cupcakes is their association to a type of Sex in the City indulgence and the accompanying ridiculous price tag. Which, okay, cupcakes could be a little bit cheaper. Good point.
Cupcakes seem designed to appeal, in the main, to young women. They are glossy lifestyle accessories for the post-Sex in the City generation. And with prices to match: in some of the fancier establishments, they're $3-4 for a single cake, or $1 a pop for a bite-size mini.
He quickly amps up his argument — cupcakes are not just expensive, but they are the "high heels" of the baked-goods universe: beautiful, appealing, but ultimately instruments of pain. And he has yet to figure out how to eat them:
But have you ever managed to eat one without either getting frosting on your nose or ending up with sticky slime between your fingers? They're the edible equivalent of ultra-fashiony high heels: great to look at, ridiculously impractical. And like heels, borderline masochistic.
But then we get to the crux of his anger. Cupcakes, though delicious, are totally ruining women's self-esteem:
You know what cupcakes really are? — butter-iced snares of self-loathing that sell precisely because they exploit young women's insecurity about their looks and identity, and offer a completely false and self-defeating solace of temporary gratification, almost certainly followed by remorse and disgust ... the values I see in cupcakes are of a demeaning, self-trivialising sort of hyper-femininity ... it's just really hard for me to believe that serious, self-respecting adult women would be at all susceptible to this gooey, sickly-sweet embodiment of female wish-fulfilment.
Interesting. Sure, somewhere along the line — maybe thanks to Girls and the sad bathtub cupcake — they became the snack food for women "going through it." But also, cupcakes just taste good, so maybe don't make a big deal about it.
... But since we already are, let's go ahead and rally against ice cream and put red wine into the category of indulgent substances that add to our self-loathing. And while we're at it, poor, frazzled Cathy has been attACKing chocolate during her many decades of frustrated singledom. Chocolate is the ultimate misogynist. And now none of us can have dessert.
Shop: Sweaters For Fall
Most Viewed Stories
Can We Finally, Officially, Say That Amber Heard and Elon Musk Are Dating?
The 26-Year-Old Couch-Surfing After a Breakup
Why Everyone Loves the Alpha Girl
Will We Abandon Women’s Rights in the Name of Progressive Politics?
I Was the Queen Bee: 3 High-School Bullies Describe Their Reigns of Terror
When Women Pursue Sex, Even Men Don’t Get It
Madame Clairevoyant: Horoscopes for the Week of April 24
Gigi Hadid’s Family Celebrated Her Birthday by Bringing Out the Baby Pictures
Fox News Racial-Discrimination Suit Alleges Black Female Employees Were Forced to Arm Wrestle
Ivanka Trump’s Line Relabeled by Retailer, Distributor
The Cut’s Latest Love and War FeaturesA Holiday Season Weekend Through London
A good guide for avid The Crown fans.It’s About Time You Learned Tove Lo’s Name
The singer has crafted pop hits you’ve heard a thousand times by now.Marina Abramovic Has Outlasted Her Lovers and, She Hopes, Her Critics
The world's most famous performance artist at 70.The Wing: Do Women Still Need a Space of Their Own?
This exclusive social club for women, is part sorority, part start-up.In Virtual Reality, Women Run the World
A new generation of female artists is making VR the most diverse corner of the male-dominated tech space.The Novelist Disguised As a Housewife
Shirley Jackson wrote 17 books while raising four children — and she couldn't have had a successful career without them.Ava DuVernay on Hollywood Racism, Modern-Day Slavery, and Why She’s Still an Optimist
The director, whose new documentary The 13th chronicles America’s history of racial subjugation, talks to Rebecca Traister about Bill Clinton, Newt Gingrich, and the modern criminal-justice system.What No One Tells Couples Trying to Conceive
It helps to be rich.The Hidden Black Women Who Helped Win the Space Race
A segregated unit of mathematicians born of desperation during World War II became the secret to NASA’s success.Slut-Shaming Squids Are Everywhere
The “Bermuda Square” comic strip is back.
The collaboration that dreams are made of.Good Morning America Host Amy Robach Apologizes for Saying ‘Colored People’ on Air
She quickly apologized.Unknown NFL Player Tries to Get Attention by Asking Aly Raisman Out in Video
That’s one way to do it.Don’t Mess This Up, Mischa Barton
Marissa Cooper is poised for a comeback ... maybe.California Votes to Remove Time Limit on Prosecuting Rape Cases
In light of the Bill Cosby case.Beyoncé’s Behind-the-Scenes Lemonade Photos Belong in a Museum
She had the "Boycott Beyoncé" sign already in formation on set.The Rise of the Male Celebrity Full-Frontal
An ex-publicist explains.Gabby Douglas Will Be a Miss America Judge
The gold-medal gymnast will help choose the 2017 pageant winner.Camille Becerra’s Photo Diary of Rockaway Beach
An ideal trip to add and cross off your summer bucket list.Sorry Nerds, Ian McKellen Won’t Officiate Your Expensive Lord of the Rings–Themed Wedding
Not even for $1.5 million.