Last night, Sinéad O'Connor wrote an "open letter" "in the spirit of motherliness" to Miley Cyrus, urging the 20-year-old to rein in her sexuality. "The message you keep sending is that it's somehow cool to be prostituted," she claimed. Though Sinéad usually functions as the wacky aunt of the entire music industry — you know, the one who's into crystals and talks about her sex life a lot — today she takes the role of the embarrassing mom who asks her daughter, "Do you need to potty before you put your costume on?" even though "Kanye is standing right here!"
Here are nine Sinéad's scolds, ranked on the Mooom!-o-Meter.
1. "I am extremely concerned for you that those around you have led you to believe, or encouraged you in your own belief, that it is in any way ‘cool’ to be naked and licking sledgehammers in your videos."
2. "I would be encouraging you to send healthier messages to your peers."
3. "The message you keep sending is that it's somehow cool to be prostituted."
4. "It's so not cool Miley."
5. "You ought be protected as a precious young lady"
6. "This is a dangerous world. We don’t encourage our daughters to walk around naked in it because it makes them pray [sic] for animals and less than animals."
7. "You are worth more than your body or your sexual appeal."
I kno¤°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸,ø¤°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ow that already!
8. "When you end up in rehab as a result of being prostituted, ‘they’ will be sunning themselves on their yachts in Antigua, which they bought by selling your body and you will find yourself very alone."
Oh my God, Mom.
9. "I do not find myself on the proverbial rag heap now that I am almost 47 yrs of age... which unfortunately many female artists who have based their image around their sexuality, end up on when they reach middle age."
If this is about your hot flashes, I swear I will NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN, MOM.