Adam Levine Supposedly the Sexiest Man Alive

Actor Adam Levine arrives at the "Can A Song Save Your Life?" premiere during the 2013 Toronto International Film Festival at Princess of Wales Theatre on September 7, 2013 in Toronto, Canada. Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty Images

Bland scruffball Adam Levine is rumored to be People magazine's next Sexiest Man Alive.

But wait! Dating a series of sexy ladies does not a sexy man make. Many tattoos do not an interesting man make. This is a man who — when asked to do something funny — just removed his shirt. How can this be, with so many other men out there? A plethora of sexy options. Just dozens and dozens of other dudes: alive and well, and sexier.