Deranged Sorority Girl’s Vice Column Is Kind of Depressing

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Being a deranged sorority girl is not all fun and games and post-gaming and “cunt punting.” It’s also paying your best friend in bottom-shelf vodka to have oral sex with the boyfriend you think is a little beneath you, apparently. In her Vice debut, Rebecca Martinson, the most famous former Delta Gamma in the world, describes her youthful sexual exploits, including her “first double blowjob,” starring her best friend Kiki, her boyfriend, Douchebag, and about 24 shots between them. 

"I told Kiki I’d give her a free bottle of Burnett's if she blew my boyfriend. A handle of Burnett's costs around $15, which was about $2.6 million to us, considering we were college freshmen who had no clue how to budget and had already spent $900 drunk-eating Papa John's in one semester. To us, cheap ass liquor was like golden liquid inside a diamond encrusted bottle. Who wouldn't suck a dick for that?"

This dark episode presumably went down before all the rushing and pledging and hazing made Martinson the confident and impassioned sister we know and love. Head over to Vice for the saga’s limp finish.