Watch: Lily Allen’s Majestic Video for ‘Hard Out Here’

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After a four-year hiatus, Lily Allen is back with a sneer and a vicious, subversive music video for her new single, "Hard Out Here." How many things do we love about it? Just ... so many.  The video begins with Allen on an operating table, getting lipo while her evil agent says, "How does anybody let themselves get like this?" Allen, in full glittery makeup, says, "Um, I had two babies," and eventually gets off the table to launch into our new favorite song.

Part "Pour it Up," part ironic, biting response to "Blurred Lines," the video features a bad-ass mom trying to twerk, pouring Champagne over bikini-clad dancers, and slow-mo spanking while singing, "Forget your balls and grow a pair of tits/It's hard, it's hard, it's hard out here for a bitch." It's a big, sarcastic up yours to the Robin Thickes, the Miley Cyruses, the slutshamers, and the bodyshamers of the world — oh, and to whatever creative genius said "Lily Allen Has A Baggy Pussy." Herewith, the lyrics and music video for the song of 2013 (and 2014, and forever):

I suppose I should tell you
What this bitch is thinking
You find me in the studio
And not in the kitchen
I won't be bragging 'bout my cars
Or talking 'bout my chains
Don't need to shake my ass for you
'Cause I've got a brain
If I tell you about my sex life
You call me a slut
Them boys be talking 'bout their bitches
No one's making a fuss

There's a glass ceiling to break, uh huh
There's money to make
And now it's time to speed it up
'Cause I can't move at this pace

Sometimes it's hard to find the words to say
I'll go ahead and say them anyway
Forget your balls, and grow a pair of tits

It's hard, it's hard
It's hard out here for a bitch, It's hard
(For a bitch, for a bitch)
For a bitch, It's hard
It's hard out here for a bitch, It's hard
(For a bitch, for a bitch)
For a bitch, it's hard
It's hard out here

You're not a size six
And you're not good-looking
Well, you better be rich
Or be real good at cooking
You should probably lose some weight
'Cause we can't see your bones
You should probably fix your face
Or you'll end up on your own
Don't you want to have somebody who objectifies you?
Have you thought about your butt, who's gonna tear it in two?
We've never had it so good, uh huh
We're out of the woods
And if you can't detect the sarcasm
You've misunderstood

Sometimes it's hard to find the words to say
I'll go ahead and say them anyway
Forget your balls, and grow a pair of tits

It's hard, it's hard
It's hard out here for a bitch, It's hard
(For a bitch, for a bitch)
For a bitch, It's hard
It's hard out here for a bitch, It's hard
(For a bitch, for a bitch)
For a bitch it's hard
It's hard out here

A bitch, a bitch, a bitch
Bitch, bitch
A bitch, a bitch, a bitch
Bitch, bitch
A bitch, a bitch, a bitch
Bitch, bitch
A bitch, a bitch, a bitch
Bitch, bitch

Inequality promises
That it's here to stay
Always trust the injustice
'Cause it's not going away
Inequality promises
That it's here to stay
Always trust the injustice
'Cause it's not going away

Sometimes it's hard to find the words to say
I'll go ahead and say them anyway
Forget your balls, and grow a pair of tits

It's hard, it's hard
It's hard out here for a bitch, It's hard
(For a bitch, for a bitch)
For a bitch, It's hard
It's hard out here for a bitch, It's hard
(For a bitch, for a bitch)
For a bitch, it's hard
It's hard out here