What to Get Your Kid’s Teacher for the Holidays

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In simpler times, a child might have gotten away with giving his or her favorite teacher a construction-paper-and-glitter masterpiece, or a nice piece of fruit, or perhaps an Edible Arrangement, if he were gunning for valedictorian. Well, good luck getting into Harvard or preschool with that "cute" homemade macaroni frame, kid — today's teachers are used to gift hauls that rival North West's.

Now, the New York Post reports that teachers at tony New York City schools have the most "powerful people in the city" kissing their asses, according to a former administratorThe people who shape young minds and invest in the future are rewarded with bribes gifts such as "Tiffany boxes, Birkin bags, Hermès scarves, diamond bracelets and even cash." Spa gift cards, fancy dinners, and $1,000 bottles of wine are also acceptable.

If you're wondering what gifts are not acceptable for teachers (or the items that ruin your child's future), check the "cold and mercenary" list the 92nd Street Y sends to parents: The most prohibited item is a framed picture of your child. Homemade cookies are also frowned upon, unless that cookie jar is stuffed with $500 in cash.