In anticipation of the tortuous, overworked updos we're likely to see this Sunday, we dug deep into the archives for photos of past Oscars attendees so that we could study the "don'ts." After a thorough analysis of the most questionable Oscars hair through the years, it's clear that several things may land you on a list like this: (a) too much volume, (b) confusing updos, and (c) putting giant things on your head (sorry, Cher). Click through for the strangest hair we've seen on the Oscars red carpet from the 1980s to now.
Jennifer Lopez, 2002
There's retro, and then there's wacko.
Angelina Jolie, 2000
Before Jolie became a philanthropist and mother to the masses, she was a Goth role model.
This curly wig (presumably) fanned out like a peacock in the back. And this is one of Cher's more toned-down looks.
Jennifer Love Hewitt, 2006
The other J. Lo takes inspiration from female LEGO people hair. Snap on and go!
Marcia Gay Harden, 2004
Harden was pregnant at the time, but bun in the oven doesn't have to mean bun on the brain.
Scarlett Johansson, 2005
This Disney/Jane Austen hybrid was a look but ...
Scarlett Johansson, 2005
... the back really earns her a spot on this list.
Johnny Depp, 2004
Really, any photo of Johnny Depp from the last 20 years could land on this list.
Jenny McCarthy, 1997
This is not the Westminster Dog Show, this is the RED CARPET.
Lisa Rinna, 2009
Trying to pinpoint which vegetable this hair evokes ... we're gonna go with artichoke.
Mena Suvari, 2000
If you have a lovely, high forehead *maybe* tone down the height of your upswept updo?
Madonna and Fiona Apple, 1998
This was Madonna's earth-mother phase, and her hair here still stands the test of time. But aqua hair bows, Fiona? No.
Juliette Lewis, 1992
Kate Hudson, 2001
Jane Austen and the red carpet do not mix.
Zooey Deschanel, 2002
Obviously it took some experimentation before Deschanel settled in on her signature blunt bangs.
Winona Ryder, 2001
Later this year, Ryder would be arrested for shoplifting. In hindsight, this hair may have been a cry for help.
Helen Mirren, 1995
Mirren, wearing a proper fascinator, thought she was going to the Royal Wedding rather than the Oscars that year.
Halle Berry, 1998
This voluminous updo was a rare misstep for Berry. In her defense, though, everyone had that piece of hair hanging over their face in the '90s.
Apollonia Kotero, 1985
Ah, the '80s. The Prince muse topped off her Purple Rain ensemble with a Las Vegas headpiece.
Jodie Foster, 1993
This is what happens when you blow-dry your hair upside down.
Colin Farrell, 2008
He still looks hot (God help us for thinking so), even with the '50s-housewife flipped ends.
Sarah Jessica Parker and Robert Downey Jr., 1989
So young! Such big hair! So much gel!
Laura Linney, 2005
An example of how runway hair doesn't always work in real life.
Olivia Newton-John, 1989
Okay, her hair was big, but we really wanted to sneak this picture in because of that dress.
Gwyneth Paltrow, 2002
Gwynnie probably decided to not to go too punk for last year's Met Gala because she remembered about the time she did this.
Bai Ling, 2009
This is what happens when you sneeze mid-D.I.Y. bang trim.
Mickey Rourke, 2009
Men should stay away from greasy, stringy hair on red carpets.
Miley Cyrus, 2009
A perfectly proper Hannah Montana bun.
Salma Hayek, 2005
Hayek likes big everything, but the beehive and bang cleavage may have been too much.
Jessica Alba, 2006
Imagine if Marilyn Monroe had stepped off that grate in The Seven Year Itch, but her hair had stayed blown up. Voilà.
Mike Myers, 1992
We're not worthy of this mullet.
Sharon Stone, 2011
We need to establish a universal forehead-to-hair-height ratio and distribute it to stylists everywhere.
Helena Bonham Carter, 2011
We're pretty sure this is how HBC wakes up every morning, which is awesome.
Drew Barrymore, 2005
No one should trust their stylists when they hear "Old Hollywood Glamour." Just run.
We leave you with a classic.
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