There are times when it sucks to be single: weddings, run-ins with exes, unseasonably cold nights before the heat gets turned on. But Valentine’s Day is not one of them. If you’re not worrying what the appropriate gesture is for your relationship status (what is your relationship status, even?), or having an obligatory and overpriced restaurant meal, you could be getting roped into one of these Valentine’s Day promotions. Be glad you're not their target demographic. (And look here for last year's roundup.)
Hotel Couples Therapy: New York’s Wolcott Hotel is promoting an “On the Mend” package this V-Day, for couples who are thinking about breaking up. It includes a two-room suite for all-night ambivalence, plus “relationship counseling literature” and special deals at a nearby wine bar and yoga studio.
Deciphering an Acronym in the Sky: Uber is offering users in four cities a Valentine’s skywriting-on-demand service. It costs $500, and you can only use 12 letters. Because texting’s not cryptic enough?
Beer-Sponsored Emotional Extortion: Heineken is sending glittery, red safe-boxes to the boyfriends of women who request them on Twitter with the hashtag #dateinabox. The boxes apparently contain an “adventurous, mystery date,” but Heineken will only send the combination to the men who “show their sensitive side” on Instagram (and surrender their likeness to Heineken’s marketing team).
High-Tech Flowers: In San Francisco, Brit+Co and TaskRabbit are delivering 3-D printed roses that cost $10 each. They don’t smell good. And they don’t die — so you never, ever get to throw them away.
Making a Sex Painting: You may have heard of Love & Paint, the $225 sex craft-kit. (Body paint + Sheets = Art, in the Nouveau Burner sense.). For just $725 dollars more, UrbanDaddy will throw in a hotel room, Champagne, and the chance to be photographed by artist and Love & Paint founder, Alexander Esguerra, immediately post-coitus.
Eating Fermented Celeriac: Apparently it’s an aphrodisiac. It also costs as much as a Bentley, when served as part of eight-course Valentine’s Day menu that Michelin-starred chef Adam Simmonds will prepare in your home for a mere $99,500.
Cupid’s Undie Run: It’s like David Beckham’s $4 million H&M Super Bowl commercial, except you look like you and you pay them. (Okay, “them” is a charity, but still.)
Literally Carrying the Weight of Another Person on Your Back: The Annual Valentine's Day Couples Crossfit Workout includes “buddy carries.”
Comparing Yourself to Beyoncé: Brooklyn restaurant Brucie’s Beyoncé-themed dinner is fun, in theory. (Oyster’s Rocafella? Jay-Ziti? Adorable!) But that’s only until you and your beloved start trying to name things your relationship has in common with Bey and Jays. (Definitely not eating those animal products.)
Most Viewed Stories
Trump Campaign Manager Accidentally Refers to His ‘Abuse’ of Women on Live TV
It’s Finally Possible to Understand What Happened to Amanda Knox
The Very Uncomfortable Experience of Rewatching Election in 2016
Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna Reportedly Broke Up
Finally Someone Called Donald Trump a Giant Baby and It Was Michelle Obama
Ask a Boss: My Co-worker Wants Everyone to Call Her Boyfriend Her ‘Master’!
Ask Polly: Should I Try to Help My Alcoholic Friend?
Looks Like Kate Middleton Is Enjoying the View in Canada
22 Intimate Lost Photos of Marilyn Monroe
Outrageous Party Photos From Andy Warhol’s Factory Days
From Our Partners
powered by PubExchange
The Cut’s Latest Love and War FeaturesThe Novelist Disguised As a Housewife
Shirley Jackson wrote 17 books while raising four children — and she couldn't have had a successful career without them.Ava DuVernay on Hollywood Racism, Modern-Day Slavery, and Why She’s Still an Optimist
The director, whose new documentary The 13th chronicles America’s history of racial subjugation, talks to Rebecca Traister about Bill Clinton, Newt Gingrich, and the modern criminal-justice system.What No One Tells Couples Trying to Conceive
It helps to be rich.The Hidden Black Women Who Helped Win the Space Race
A segregated unit of mathematicians born of desperation during World War II became the secret to NASA’s success.Slut-Shaming Squids Are Everywhere
The “Bermuda Square” comic strip is back.Santigold’s New Video Is the Result of a Spontaneous Run-in With Kara Walker
The collaboration that dreams are made of.Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield Spotted Together Again, Love Might Be Real
They could be back together ahh!Teen, Forced to Go on Vacation With Her Family, Calls 911
The logical decision.Report: Hearst Fired Seventeen EIC Michelle Tan During Her Maternity Leave
Tan had been at the magazine for about two years.Good Morning America Host Amy Robach Apologizes for Saying ‘Colored People’ on Air
She quickly apologized.
That’s one way to do it.Don’t Mess This Up, Mischa Barton
Marissa Cooper is poised for a comeback ... maybe.California Votes to Remove Time Limit on Prosecuting Rape Cases
In light of the Bill Cosby case.Beyoncé’s Behind-the-Scenes Lemonade Photos Belong in a Museum
She had the "Boycott Beyoncé" sign already in formation on set.The Rise of the Male Celebrity Full-Frontal
An ex-publicist explains.Gabby Douglas Will Be a Miss America Judge
The gold-medal gymnast will help choose the 2017 pageant winner.Camille Becerra’s Photo Diary of Rockaway Beach
An ideal trip to add and cross off your summer bucket list.Sorry Nerds, Ian McKellen Won’t Officiate Your Expensive Lord of the Rings–Themed Wedding
Not even for $1.5 million.Miles Teller Is Still Upset About Being Called a Dick
He wants to set the record straight.Why Parents Shouldn’t Talk About Weight With Their Teens
New guidelines seek to banish weight talk.