Hey Teens, Your Damn Selfies Are Giving You Lice

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Photo: PhotoAlto/Odilon Dimier/Getty Images

Ever since the first teens craned their necks to pose just so in front of their camera phones, the adults of America have searched for an effective argument against the selfie. They have attempted myriad criticisms: The selfie is narcissistic, psychopathic, dangerous, in the way, inane, etc., etc., etc. Who cares, move along, you old antique of a person.

But one adult — a lice expert in California — may have unleashed the ultimate in anti-selfie rhetoric. Marcy McQuillan, of the website Nitless Noggins, believes selfies are responsible for the recent surge in lice among teenagers.

Because teenagers love to smash their heads together for selfies — to display intimacy and appear as popular as possible — lice have found the selfie to be a convenient pathway from head to head. The selfie trend is the best thing to happen to the species since the dawn of the sleepover. Lice across the world are grateful for teenagers. Truly, they owe you one. They'd like to write you an homage and sing you a song and give you a dozen baked-goods each time that you press your hair on another person's hair.

Marcy McQuillan shared her theory with SFist:

I’ve seen a huge increase of lice in teens this year. Typically it’s younger children I treat, because they’re at higher risk for head-to-head contact. But now, teens are sticking their heads together every day to take cell phone pics … I think parents need to be aware, and teenagers need to be aware too. Selfies are fun, but the consequences are real.

Anything for that flattering angle, right, you filthy, itchy monsters?