E! reports that Katy Perry and John Mayer ended their coupledom "within the last few days." Did you feel the turning of the Earth stutter? Did the stars cease in their paths? Perhaps, perhaps, for the world knows no rupture like the ending of a true, convincing, actual great love of our times. And just on the heels of giddy engagement rumors sparkling up the tabloids (a summer wedding for their fake wedding, natch).
The pair has been fawning in the public eye since the summer of 2012, breaking up briefly, and then reuniting in March of last year. In an off-again moment Perry called Mayer a "broken bird." In an on-again, they posed with each other's families for '90s-style family portraits.
Their public love had quite a public run. They posed for an Exclusive Couple Portrait for Vanity Fair (trademark pending) — which involved stroking and kissing and general signs of "physical affection." They gushed about each other in magazine interviews. She went around wearing various diamond rings of various sizes on her left ring finger, and then never responded to requests for comment. Truly it was a storybook love for our times. Surely one does not wear twin hair-buns to a pool party with someone one doesn't truly love. Surely one doesn't dress in coordinated fashions.