Swiss citizens will have a referendum to decide whether to ban sex education for children under 9, Sky News reports. The vote was forced by a recent petition from conservative groups that gathered more than 100,000 signatures, although Switzerland’s unusually progressive sex education has been under scrutiny for years. In 2011, Basel kindergartens came under fire for teaching students that “contacting body parts can be pleasurable” by having children “massage each other or rub themselves with warm sand bags, all accompanied by soft music.” The curriculum included a “sex box” — not to be confused with Switzerland’s other sex boxes, which were built for the safe, legal, and sanitary exchange of money for sex. These sex boxes just contained some adorable soft plush genitals, which, according to the Daily Mail, have already been pulled from classrooms. Please send them immediately to America, where we will teach our children that they are rare sea creatures then laugh about it with our friends.
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