Watch: Kristen Schaal Decodes the Tao of Princeton Mom

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Princeton Mom may have been disavowed by the very university she loves, but at least The Daily Show's Kristen Schaal is taking her "find a husband before it's too late" advice to heart. In this video, Schaal spreads Susan Patton's message of "panic and desperation" to places where it hits hardest: SoulCycle and elementary school nap-time.

It's probably too late for us, but Schaal introduces "K-Date, the leading kindergarten-singles network," so at least someone can snag a man before "precious eggs" start "jumping out of your vagina like rats from a sinking ship." See all this and more in the clip below.