There’s a needle in every haystack, a shooting star in every sky — and a lesson to be gleaned from every episode of ABC’s The Bachelorette. As this season’s contestant, Andi Dorfman — the ADA who made Bachelor history by finally crying douche — embarks on her own “noble love quest,” we’re certain the lessons she learns will be invaluable to our own lives. How will Andi and her men learn to trust? To love? To let themselves go? Each week of this season, we will extrapolate those lessons and more from Andi’s reality TV story of romance.
Last night, Andi was presented with her group of 25 men. She has forsaken her job bringing in the bad guys and gang members like Blood Jack and Crip Billy (see above) to find her husband in this lineup. And it’s like ABC gave her a big box of chocolates: a box of 25 square-jawed, marginally distinguishable chocolates. At least one is definitely a gross coconut and most are unidentifiable nougats, but one is cherry cordial. How do you convince Andi you’re the cherry cordial among the bunch? Which brings us to last night’s lesson —
How to Stand Out From the Crowd.
Try inventing a career like JJ did. JJ the bow-tied “Pantsapreneur.”
Vividly explain the pronunciation of your name: such as Emil, which is pronounced “like anal, with an M.”
If, conveniently, you are a doctor, show off your diagnostic skills with this line, borrowed from Jason Crazy Eyes, MD: “You must have a fever. Because you are hot. No, seriously, you look great.”
Push a limo up a hill like Cody did.
Give your beloved stolen property the way Brett the mulleted hairdresser did. He stole a hotel lamp.
Be the black guy.
Be the other black guy.
Seem like a genuinely decent human, like Nick V. — who, judging by the confident tie and three-piece suit, could turn out to be a monster.
If all else fails, just be hot. Like mind-blowingly hot, à la really hot Marcus, who will also most likely turn out to be a monster.
After last night’s Rose Ceremony, the frontrunners for Andi’s heart are Nick V. (nice guy) and Marcus (hot guy). Both black contestants, Ron and Marquel, remain. Inexplicably, so does the thieving hairdresser.
Most Viewed Stories
It’s Harder to Be Thin Than It Was in the ’80s
Why Do I Jerk Awake Right As I’m Falling Asleep?
From Up Close, Raf Simons’s Vision for Dior Is Clear
The World’s Easiest Way to Highlight Your Face
A Pregnant Supermodel Explains What She Eats
Meet the Prom Queen of Instagram
Sleater-Kinney on Riot Grrl, Reuniting, and Portlandia
Michelle Obama: No Boy Is Cute Enough to Keep You From Getting an Education
Céline’s Woman-Friendly Triumph
Selfie Sorority Uses Media Frenzy for Good Cause
From Our Partners
The Day I Told The Ugly Truth About My Marriage
5 Must-Have Products for Your Makeup Bag
The Art of Loving and Losing Female Friends
Here's What To Buy From J.Crew's HUGE 75-Percent-Off Sale!
powered by PubExchange
Latest News from The CutAmerican Apparel Files for Bankruptcy
Current shareholders, including Dov Charney, will no longer control the company.Ellie Kemper Thinks Kimmy Schmidt Would Fit In Well In Greenpoint
Nobody bats an eye at the character’s outfits because “everybody there dresses like that.”Sigourney Weaver on Talking to Ronald Reagan About Abortion Rights
He didn’t want to chat.This Santa Monica Loft Is a Neon Escape From New York Winters
Where an Upper East Side couple flees when the cold becomes unbearable.The Retired Modeling Agent Who Loves Empire
“I started my own agency — we represented Twiggy — but went off to be assistant to the actor Yul Brynner, who was dating my roommate at the time.”Witness a Photographer’s Affair With Los Angeles
Bruce Davidson captured the city in 1964, and again almost 50 years later.Bright Coats for Cold Days
New York women in winter's least-boring outerwear, from bright-green alpaca fur to leopard-print mohair.Céline’s Woman-Friendly Triumph
Phoebe Philo remains in touch with what women want to wear.Sleater-Kinney on Riot Grrl, Reuniting, and Portlandia
10 things we learned from their New Yorker Festival panel.Watch the Akris Livestream
And don't count John Galliano out at Margiela yet.5 Things I Want to Wear From Paris: Part 2
Cropped sweaters, a spangled skirt, and more.Cool Cocktail Dresses Inspired by the Philippines
From the up-and-comers behind Mestiza.Jaden Smith and Kesha Partied This Week
Along with Cindy Crawford, Anjelica Huston, Rita Ora, and Lena Dunham.Kendall Jenner and Gigi Hadid Partied in Balmain
Plus: more highlights from Paris Fashion Week's parties, including Jared Leto.Even Barbie Wants Kim Kardashian’s Makeup Artist
Life in plastic, it's fantastic.This Is How You Should Smell for Fall
Hint: not like a pumpkin.8 Actually Good Things That Happened This Week
Baby sea turtles wearing bathing suits and a necklace for your pizza.See All the Street Style From Paris Fashion Week
Featuring wooden platforms, velvet robes, and floor-length ponchos.A Lesson in Beauty Grammar at Dior
What "past future perfect" means in terms of hair and makeup.