Introducing LinkedUp!: The Unsexiest Dating App Out There

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My friends and I used to play a game in bars where we’d try to guess a dude’s profession by their footwear. One of us preferred finance types (preppy loafers); I looked for cool sneakers (probably a videographer moonlighting in a band). We both avoided slip-on Aldo loafers (generic corporate douche) and men in Chucks (probably aspiring stand-up comics). Of course, as dictated by the wisdom of Tinder, OKCupid, and the number of “stand-up comics” I know, I'm not sure profession ultimately matters when it comes to getting laid.

But if you disagree, there's a new dating app just for you: LinkedUp!, which offers users a way to “get the conversation going by already knowing what industry your match works in!”

The interface is just like Tinder, but instead of accessing personal information from Facebook, LinkedUp! uses the career-building site LinkedIn. Now potential bed buddies are judging each other by the information provided by a decidedly nonsexual site — what jobs they have held, the industry they work in, and where they went to school, all of which will lead to a “higher quality of matches,” explains  Max Fischer, the 28-year-old creator, to The Wall Street Journal. (Note: Max Fischer?)

Efficient! Effective! Synergistic! Corporate-friendly, résumé dating! For those who only date lawyers, or doctors, or “entrepreneurs,” this is great news. Unfortunately, for others, “run it up the flag pole,” suggests something altogether different in professional and extracurricular contexts. For starters, the standard future-employer-approved LinkedIn headshot makes even the most suave and handsome among us look unfuckably dweeby. (Would you want to date the corporate version of yourself at first glance?) And as the Cut has already explored, there is no boner-killer more potent than dating thinly veiled as networking, and no move creepier than trolling LinkedIn for ass.

Perhaps Fischer could take a cue from his Wes Andersonian namesake: In matters of love, there are things more important than educational and professional achievements; besides, no one really cares if you were president of the Rushmore Beekeepers.