At 25, You’re Too Old to Be a Miss Anything

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Photo: delawareonline.com

The recently crowned Miss Delaware, who happens to be an aged fogey of a 24-year-old named Amanda Longacre, was stripped of her crown for growing too old in the face of time passing.

The Miss America Organization’s parameters require contestants to be 17 to 24 years old. Amanda “Long in the Tooth” Longacre will turn 25 in October.

Old Grandma Longacre spoke to NBC about fading into senility: 

I am so, like, really upset. I’m left here wondering why I was put in this position to begin with … It's like they're trying to erase me in a way, like it never happened, and it's not fair because I won outright and I deserve to represent my state. I want this chance still to go to Miss America. 

She is but a young thing, for months yet! Like the fabled grasshopper, her salad days of metaphorical summer are ending. How could someone rob her of the last minutes of her youth? Now, she shall wither.