Then there were nine. Called to an isolated castle under false pretenses by a man who isn’t who he seems, a cadre of seemingly innocent suspects disappear one by one in Agatha Christie’s long-awaited reality television debut, I Wanna Marry Harry.
It's presented in Christie’s signature style: a contained whodunit. A small cast of characters are at the beck and call of a civilian posing as royalty, who expels a different suitor every week for mysterious reasons (like not twerking) that actually reflect years-past sins, which each hopeful thought was lost to history.
Anxiety has set in like a fog among these castle prisoners. So fearful are they that they will fall next to this curse of expulsion, the women don't even dare invoke the name of their host. They also don't know his name. It has been several days and their Prince Harry look-alike has not given them a moniker. The girls are not deterred. Most simply call this dude he. The most reverent and fearful call him the gentleman or sir. A particularly delusional guest calls him babe. Two separate women in two separate rooms say they feel like ding-dongs.
In an attempted ruse — to trick the trickster — two women wear animal hats. Not woolen caps or fur hats — just hats that appear to be part of a larger animal costume. One appears to be sitting under the butt of a penguin. The other looks like she carved out a panda bear from the mouth down.
Unfortunately, the daily activities (horseback riding, stall mucking, a boat tour of the Thames) could not be fairly described as: Murder on Horseback, An Appointment With Death at the Stables, or Murder on the Nile or the Thames or Really Any River Will Do.
Fear not that the Christie touch has been lost, though: The rules of the mystery are upended! One woman, sick of awaiting doom, hightails it on out of there early. She literally cites irritation with mean girls as her reason for leaving this doomed palace. And one of these women — the one that dared to vehemently recognize Civilian Matt’s face as other than Prince Harry’s — is forcefully expelled. And then there were seven. Two youths sacrificed in one evening? Christie’s hitting that stride!
Most Viewed Stories
I Tried Hillary Clinton’s Diet and Now I Sympathize With Her
Blake Lively Reportedly Just Gave Birth, and You’ll Never Guess Who’s Running to the Hospital
Brad Pitt Fights Back Against Angelina Jolie and Her Plot to ‘Destroy’ Him
Looks Like Kate Middleton Is Enjoying the View in Canada
What It’s Like to Be a Female Reporter Covering Donald Trump
Angelina Jolie Got Everything She Wanted in Temporary Divorce Deal With Brad Pitt
The Best Part of Being a Royal Is Getting to Pet Bunnies
22 Intimate Lost Photos of Marilyn Monroe
Trump Campaign Manager Accidentally Refers to His ‘Abuse’ of Women on Live TV
Megyn Kelly Roasts Trump’s Campaign Manager for Claiming He Doesn’t Make Sexist Comments
From Our Partners
The Zoe Report
powered by PubExchange
The Cut’s Latest Love and War FeaturesThe Novelist Disguised As a Housewife
Shirley Jackson wrote 17 books while raising four children — and she couldn't have had a successful career without them.Ava DuVernay on Hollywood Racism, Modern-Day Slavery, and Why She’s Still an Optimist
The director, whose new documentary The 13th chronicles America’s history of racial subjugation, talks to Rebecca Traister about Bill Clinton, Newt Gingrich, and the modern criminal-justice system.What No One Tells Couples Trying to Conceive
It helps to be rich.The Hidden Black Women Who Helped Win the Space Race
A segregated unit of mathematicians born of desperation during World War II became the secret to NASA’s success.Slut-Shaming Squids Are Everywhere
The “Bermuda Square” comic strip is back.Santigold’s New Video Is the Result of a Spontaneous Run-in With Kara Walker
The collaboration that dreams are made of.Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield Spotted Together Again, Love Might Be Real
They could be back together ahh!Teen, Forced to Go on Vacation With Her Family, Calls 911
The logical decision.Report: Hearst Fired Seventeen EIC Michelle Tan During Her Maternity Leave
Tan had been at the magazine for about two years.Good Morning America Host Amy Robach Apologizes for Saying ‘Colored People’ on Air
She quickly apologized.
That’s one way to do it.Don’t Mess This Up, Mischa Barton
Marissa Cooper is poised for a comeback ... maybe.California Votes to Remove Time Limit on Prosecuting Rape Cases
In light of the Bill Cosby case.Beyoncé’s Behind-the-Scenes Lemonade Photos Belong in a Museum
She had the "Boycott Beyoncé" sign already in formation on set.The Rise of the Male Celebrity Full-Frontal
An ex-publicist explains.Gabby Douglas Will Be a Miss America Judge
The gold-medal gymnast will help choose the 2017 pageant winner.Camille Becerra’s Photo Diary of Rockaway Beach
An ideal trip to add and cross off your summer bucket list.Sorry Nerds, Ian McKellen Won’t Officiate Your Expensive Lord of the Rings–Themed Wedding
Not even for $1.5 million.Miles Teller Is Still Upset About Being Called a Dick
He wants to set the record straight.Why Parents Shouldn’t Talk About Weight With Their Teens
New guidelines seek to banish weight talk.