You, Instagram master, can hold a smile or a pursed lip until the chickens come home to roost. If you can hold back a sneeze for more than half of a microsecond, you have will-power unmatched in this millennia. The snelfie, the sneezing selfie, is what Instagram was made for. It’s something that must be documented immediately, with few chances for redos. Unless it’s allergy season and then, by all means, photograph every one of your sneezes until you get the perfect moment.
The snelfie is also, by nature of this act, a welcome interruption to pretty faces and perfect vistas. A sneeze makes your face go bonkers-haywire. Your hand might fly up to cover the burst of snot, but you can see the surprise in alarmed eyes, the unattractive contortion of the brows, the panicked-yet-resigned wrinkle of the forehead.
Snelfies can come in many varieties. You can politely cover your mouth, or just launch into it, no holds barred. No matter if your headband matches your nails, no matter how dolled up you look, the snelfie will always make you look like you missed your face with a light punch as you uncontrollable launch spittle into the air.
You can label your snelfie, provide a definition, teach a class on the snelfie. You can involve a whole group of sneezing friends or shame one allergy-prone person for ruining what might have been a nice couple's photo. If you’re by an open window, you can even make it look like someone's hair was blown away by the power of your sternutation.
You can catch a sneeze in full thrust or post the calm before the storm. You can post a no-regrets snelfie, spraying that sneeze all over this world, or you can post an embarrassed snelfie that asks: Why, gods, must we eject phlegm like it’s an emergency every time?
This is also the rare occasion when a blurry Instagram won’t be annoyingly trying to be arty: You literally cannot hold a camera still because of the force of your sneeze. Blur it all up! See you in allergy town, kids.
Most Viewed Stories
Here’s the Official List of Speakers for the Women’s March on Washington
This Conspiracy Theory Will Change How You Feel About the Bachelor Villain
The Ultimate Guide to Preparing for the Women’s March
15 Protest Sign Ideas for the Women’s March on Washington
Your Guide to Peeing During the Women’s March on Washington
Bernie Sanders Reviews the Balenciaga Men’s Collection
Inauguration Committee Chairman Says Kanye West Wasn’t Invited to Perform Because It’s a ‘Typically and Traditionally American’ Event
Sexual Assault in the Amazon
The Sheer Perfection of Donald Trump’s Golden Shower
Feeling Anxious on Inauguration Day? These Art Museums Are Offering Refuge
From Our Partners
powered by PubExchange
The Cut’s Latest Love and War FeaturesA Holiday Season Weekend Through London
A good guide for avid The Crown fans.It’s About Time You Learned Tove Lo’s Name
The singer has crafted pop hits you’ve heard a thousand times by now.Marina Abramovic Has Outlasted Her Lovers and, She Hopes, Her Critics
The world's most famous performance artist at 70.The Wing: Do Women Still Need a Space of Their Own?
This exclusive social club for women, is part sorority, part start-up.In Virtual Reality, Women Run the World
A new generation of female artists is making VR the most diverse corner of the male-dominated tech space.The Novelist Disguised As a Housewife
Shirley Jackson wrote 17 books while raising four children — and she couldn't have had a successful career without them.Ava DuVernay on Hollywood Racism, Modern-Day Slavery, and Why She’s Still an Optimist
The director, whose new documentary The 13th chronicles America’s history of racial subjugation, talks to Rebecca Traister about Bill Clinton, Newt Gingrich, and the modern criminal-justice system.What No One Tells Couples Trying to Conceive
It helps to be rich.The Hidden Black Women Who Helped Win the Space Race
A segregated unit of mathematicians born of desperation during World War II became the secret to NASA’s success.Slut-Shaming Squids Are Everywhere
The “Bermuda Square” comic strip is back.
The collaboration that dreams are made of.Good Morning America Host Amy Robach Apologizes for Saying ‘Colored People’ on Air
She quickly apologized.Unknown NFL Player Tries to Get Attention by Asking Aly Raisman Out in Video
That’s one way to do it.Don’t Mess This Up, Mischa Barton
Marissa Cooper is poised for a comeback ... maybe.California Votes to Remove Time Limit on Prosecuting Rape Cases
In light of the Bill Cosby case.Beyoncé’s Behind-the-Scenes Lemonade Photos Belong in a Museum
She had the "Boycott Beyoncé" sign already in formation on set.The Rise of the Male Celebrity Full-Frontal
An ex-publicist explains.Gabby Douglas Will Be a Miss America Judge
The gold-medal gymnast will help choose the 2017 pageant winner.Camille Becerra’s Photo Diary of Rockaway Beach
An ideal trip to add and cross off your summer bucket list.Sorry Nerds, Ian McKellen Won’t Officiate Your Expensive Lord of the Rings–Themed Wedding
Not even for $1.5 million.