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North West Beats Your Baby at Everything

Kim Kardashian and her baby North West arrive at the 'Givenchy' store on May 20, 2014 in Paris, France.

The first year of life is filled with accomplishments and discoveries. North West, just like every newborn human, filled her time by stretching out on soft fabrics, drooling, and peeing wherever she pleased. Babies are wonderful and a little magical, aren’t they?

Nori is now 1 year old, and with each month that passed in her young life, new milestones were achieved and new lessons learned. Compared to the accomplishments of the basic babe — gleaned from the truly informative What to Expect: The First Twelve Monthshere’s how North’s first year stacked up.

The First Month

It doesn't seem as if average wee ones do many things during this time. By the end of the month, they can start to control their heads and necks.

North West undertook the modern tech-intellectual pilgrimage of our age, meeting Steve Wozniak. She acquired coveted name-approval from Anna Wintour. And, fully a year and a half away from a baby’s mirror phase (15 to 18 months), Nori received her first imitator

The Second Month

An ordinary baby will smile in response to his or her parents in the second month.

North West reached across the void.

The Fourth Month

At this time, civilian babies can start to roll over and bear a slight amount of weight on their legs.

Nori had no need to roll or bear weight. She lay wrapped up in a blanket on soft, snow-white fleece. 

The Sixth Month

Normal babies can now track moving objects with their eyes and potentially sleep through the night. The typical baby can start to master the Pincer Grasp

Nori got herself a stylistGivenchy designer Riccardo Tisci. She was the impetus behind a big label falloutNorth West also clutched a very heavy engagement ring and smiled and drooled (a possible sign of teething).

The Seventh Month

The non-celebrity baby can begin to sit alone, steadily.

North West made a best friend. She received a boatload of designer goods for Christmas, making her the youngest member of the cult of the hip cat flat. She pined for the ground. 

The Eighth Month

This is when the basic baby starts to invent all sorts of new ways to move: bottom scoots, army-style, wriggle, creep, crawling, etc. 

North West was named as a key member in an astronaut family. She also availed herself of an airline employee to schlep her poop Birkin around an airport. 

The Tenth Month

This is apparently when civilian babies start to get curious about staircases. Regular babes begin to understand links between sounds and gestures. They like to waveThey want to feed themselves.

North West was featured prominently in Vogue

The Twelfth Month

This is primo age for “cruising,” which is when typical babies pull themselves up to a stand position and launch themselves between surfaces. 

North weathered a celebrity-nuptial extravaganza. She looks a little jealous in all the pictures. 

1 Year

Milestone acknowledged with some literal stones: baby's first diamonds. North West has gotten her ears pierced. She also took a nap

And what to expect for the following year?

The normal babe learns how to walk. North will mostly likely continue to be swaddled in fabrics so plush you can't even imagine their dreamlike softness. 

Photo: Marc Piasecki/GC Images

Copyright © 2013, New York Media LLC. All Rights Reserved. The Cut® are registered trademarks of New York Media LLC.

Copyright © 2013, New York Media LLC.
All Rights Reserved.

Copyright © 2013, New York Media LLC. All Rights Reserved.

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