Which Teams Can Have Sex During the World Cup?

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In order to ensure their team's best chance for the Cup, some head coaches have laid down the law when it comes to getting laid. After all, this is soccer, not the sexual free-for-all that is the Olympics — these players need to save their energy for the field. Quartz has made a handy graph outlining who can get down and who has to enter temporary celibacy for the duration of the games: Germany, Spain, USA, Australia, Italy, the Netherlands, Switzerland, Uruguay, and England can completely exhaust themselves before each match if they are so inclined, while players from Russia, Chile, Mexico, and Bosnia and Herzegovina will have to channel all that sexual frustration into their on-the field game.

Of course there are some gray areas, because certain types of sex are more exhausting: For example, French players can only have sex if it doesn’t last all night, the Nigerian team can have sex if it is with their wives, but girlfriends have to stay home. And Brazilians can have all the World Cup sex they want, so long as it’s not “acrobatic,” which makes me wonder what Team Brazil is up to in bed when it’s not World Cup season.