Snacks: The First Topical Problem of the Week

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Photo: Rhydian Lewis/Getty Images

Do you know what happens each and every moment and even in moments between other moments, when time seems to expand and shrink simultaneously? Well, many things happen, but two particular things seem to occur in a steady stream: news and snacks. At all times, the world is filled with more news and more snacks, and then today, news about snacks.

In the domestic realm: We snack when television isn’t interesting enough to distract our brains from thoughts of crispy, fatty, salty crunchables.

In the active realm: We snack if we think too hard about how hard it is to move as physical beings on this earth, who must constantly be battling gravity because of infrequently criticized universal constraints. 

In the cultural realm: We snack because egg sandwiches are just too damn good. Successful person Julian Fellowes, for example, cannot get enough of such consumables. His underlings (the cast of his television show, Downton Abbey) have been told they must cease munching, because they are putting on a few.

There we have it; three items makes a trend. Here concludes your one time only snack-news bulletin of the week.