Breaking: Whopping Inventory of Harem Pants Is Missing

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En route from Miami to Orlando, a thief hijacked a truck carrying $1.5 million worth of Zumba gear, including leggings, footwear, and harem pants. As harem pants aren't noted for their high retail value at this moment, the robbery is perhaps the work of an aggressive aesthete: a last ditch and high-risk effort to stop an impending style fiasco.