Meet the World’s First Professional Dongwatcher

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Perhaps the name David Wood means you are destined for great things when it comes to the ways of the phallus. Indeed, with headlines like “We’re asking all hard questions about wandering cock problem,” Wood has demonstrated an ability to work that hard, throbbing news. And so it is with no great surprise that BuzzFeed reports Mr. Wood is the world's first official Dick Joke Correspondent for Australia's tabloid NT News.

Congratulations, Mr. Wood! We expect great things from you. Where there are majestic phalli hidden in the clouds, he will be there. When Justin Theroux and Jon Hamm take a jog together in loose sweatpants, he will be there, with a pun. When an unintentional horse penis shows up in the background of a conservative political ad, Wood, Watcher of Dong, will break the news. As fellow dongwatchers, the Cut is here to thank you for legitimizing the work we do.

Remember this name, world: David Wood, the man who could someday win a Pulitzer for groundbreaking work in dick.