Whom Would You Pick to Ghostwrite Lindsay Lohan’s Memoir?

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Photo: Danny E. Martindale/Getty Images, Monika Fellner/Getty Images

Lindsay Lohan has some stories to tell. She would like to tell them all in a tell-all, which is a memoir that is salacious and sold at airports. Because Lohan is a woman of action, not talk, she is shopping for an author to midwife her story into letters and paragraphs and pages.

While reportedly meeting with publishing houses in London, Lohan set some standards for her ghostwriter: a British woman of initialed first names, with the ability to handle a multipart tale and sell enough copies to buoy the entire publishing industry. That leaves: J.K. Rowling and E.L. James.

But there is no need to pick just one author, LiLo! You can publish an entire Lohanthology of American Fucklists written by Various Authors. Get E.L. James for bedroom business, J.K. Rowling for your hero's journey. 

And don't forget to start thinking about titles! You can always take inspiration from literature of the past. Would you like to read: Is the Chateau Marmont a Wormhole or Is Lindsay Lohan a Mirage? by Philip K. Dick. Or perhaps Do Lohandroids Dream of Electric Daisies? Might you want to pick up The Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Out of 1 OAK by Dave Eggers? Perhaps a literary mash-up, like From Lohanne of Green Gables to Lohanna Karenina: The Story of a Former Child Star and Current Adult.