15 Women Explain Why They Dated Men Over 30 (Ew)

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Photo: United Artists

Are you a woman over 30? If so, you probably took great solace from Time magazine’s symposium yesterday on the allure of dating older women. Time panelists’ excuses for dating women 30 or older ranged from “more nurturing” and “not as needy” to fewer piercings and more efficient makeup routines.

But, if we are being totally honest, women, too, occasionally indulge the whim of boning someone practically decrepit. And women, too, have found that it’s not all life-insurance policies and Just for Men gray coverage. Herewith, 15 women — whose names have been changed — candidly describe the appeal dating someone older than 30.

“His Lollapalooza stories are SO funny.” —Patricia, 23, in an open relationship.

“They almost always own sheets.” —Sara, 38, married.

“I got to teach him how to Instagram.” —Jaclyn, 27, in a relationship.

“Clean bathrooms and emotional intelligence. Rare in combination, but at least one is guaranteed. Also less inclined to online stalking, in my experience.” —Anya, 25, “monogamous and into it.”

"When I didn't know how to work a record player, I could act like it was because of age rather than incompetence." —Margot, 27, in a relationship.

"Three words for you: Verizon email address." —Beatrice, 30, in a relationship.

“A man audacious enough to wear cargo shorts with a coordinated sock-and-shirt combo — not to mention the stunner shades à la ‘04 Nelly — is the man for me.” —Anonymous, 24, single.

“No roommates and no gross lofted bed in some Bushwick crash house with seven other residents. Most of them have had long-term girlfriends so they get the things they’re supposed to say. They’ll notice your haircut. But, otherwise, most of them are actually exactly the same as twentysomethings.” —Hannah, 30, single.

“One of my favorite things to do with this old dude I dated was talk shit about young dudes. ‘They're all idiots’ is something we agreed on.”  —Riva, 28, in a relationship.

"He cleaned his apartment and lit two scented candles before I came over. And he hadn't heard of the major media website for which I work."  —Eve, 27, “it’s complicated.”

“I’ve found that the late thirtysomethings I attracted tended to be absurdly successful professionally, brilliant, funny, handsome, and completely and totally full of themselves. Giant mansplainers, the lot of them. Were they mansplainers in their 20s? Almost definitely. Might they be attracted to dating younger women now because the power dynamic is off, thus setting the perfect mansplaining conditions? Probably.” —Tara, 29, “single I guess but kinda in a thing? I mean, there is someone I text with every day. But I should probably be going on other dates because it's probably not going to be a thing-thing.”

“This 34-year-old I dated was super sexually adventurous because he had done A LOT of shit in attempts to spice up his marriage to his now ex-wife.” —Alana, 24, “technically single.”

“My first post-college boyfriend was a decade older. And one day, as I was stressing about the logistical terror of managing adult finances and bills, he told me, ‘The secret to being an adult is automatic bill pay.’ Then he helped me chain my bank account to my electricity and cable bills, and to this day, I do not know how those automated systems work, only that they have followed me as I subsequently moved from one apartment to the next. His legacy endures.” —Erin, 30, single.

“They actually make you come.” —Leslie, 31, “single (and enjoying it).”

“When I was in my early 20s, old dudes appreciated my presence much more than my male peers did. But now that I'm in my late 20s, there are a lot of guys (roughly) my own age who are capable of not treating women like shit, so old dudes don't really have a specific appeal to me anymore!” —Catherine, 27, single