Heroic Study Says Milk Is Bad for Women

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Photo: H. Armstrong Roberts/Getty Images

There is a new university study from Sweden that suggests that milk is detrimental to women's health, which is actually solid news as milk is revolting.

The study monitored the diets of about 100,000 middle-aged women and men for 20 years. The researchers found that women who consumed three or more glasses of milk a day were nearly twice as likely to die over this 20-year period. For every glass of milk women consumed per day, they were 15 percent more likely to die. The researching professor from the study said that the simple-sugar galactose could be the harmful element, as it can inflame.  

But there is a silver cheese lining: Delicious, fermented dairy products — yogurt! cheese! — had the opposite effect on lifespan. Today is the day everything worked out. Gross slurp-slop is bad for you; scrumptious nibbles from heaven are good for you.