Pope Dispatching ‘Missionaries of Mercy’ to Forgive Sinful Abortion-Havers

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Photo: Tony Gentile/Reuters/Corbis

In keeping with his relatively liberal agenda, Pope Francis announced on Thursday that he will deputize a group of "missionaries of mercy" to pardon women who have gotten abortions. Whore Forgiveness Squad, assemble!

During the Holy Year of Mercy, which starts in December, the Vatican will dispatch specially selected missionaries all across the world to grant forgiveness to Catholics who have committed mortal sins, such as not wanting to have a baby after being raped.

The "missionaries of mercy" are one way the pope is working to turn the church into an "oasis of mercy," a branding strategy a lot more welcoming than its previous one, affectionately called, "Enjoy hell, sinner."