Today We Celebrate Penis-Shaped Meat!

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Photo: George Marks/Getty Images

It’s National Hot Dog Day! A day to honor the best phallic foodstuffs (and all its brethren: sausages, actual dongs, etc.) on God’s green, hot-dog-producing earth. If you’re at a loss for how to celebrate, let us make some suggestions: Order two chili dogs for lunch; eat them slowly, suggestively. If you're in Dallas, head to Tallywackers. Watch the best “sausage” videos on Vine; make your own. And end the day in quiet contemplation while watching Justin "D2B" Theroux run in slow motion.