The Computer-Science Major Juggling Two Guys

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New York's Sex Diaries series asks anonymous city dwellers to record a week in their sex lives — with comic, tragic, often sexy, and always revealing results. Check back Tuesdays for your weekly peek behind doors left slightly ajar. This week, a Columbia student with a subway crush who gets stood up at sushi: female, 20, single, Morningside Heights, straight.

DAY 1

6:35 a.m. Alarm goes off for the second time. I thought I learned last semester that I shouldn’t schedule early classes after I got an eye infection from doing my eye makeup the night beforehand … just so I could get ten extra minutes of sleep in the morning. I drag myself out of bed.

7 a.m. I can hear both my roommate and another person breathing in her room. I wonder who she slept with last night. I hope whoever it was gave her an STD.

7:45 a.m. I make awkward flirty eye contact with a guy I see on the subway almost every morning. I should probably talk to him, but I’m not awake enough to care that much.

11:30 a.m. One benefit of being a comp-sci major is the gender ratio in class makes it really easy to meet guys. The downside is that they’re all computer nerds: The majority of them are completely unfuckable. I’ve only dated one comp-sci person in the past … I took his virginity, he described it as “slimy,” and we broke up after a month because he didn’t want to have rough sex.

8 p.m. Back at home, roomie is telling me about her one-night stand. Apparently they met at a bar, came back here, and fucked on the kitchen counter. Fantastic. I decide to order in instead of cooking.

11:40 p.m. Receive a flirty text from a guy my friend introduced me to who she met at a premed conference. We’ve texted a bit but I’m not sure if he wants a relationship or an FWB. I would be down for either.

DAY TWO

12:50 a.m. Still texting premed guy. Decide that I want to have sex with him; it’s been a while. First I dig through my dirty laundry until I find some cute underwear to put on.

1:20 a.m. At premed’s apartment. His roommates are asleep so we have to be quiet. We make out against the walls as we make our way to his bedroom. Somehow I’m half naked by the time we get there. This guy is talented. He pushes me onto the bed and starts eating me out. I doubt the roommates are going to be asleep for much longer. I come once and then go down on him for a minute and then we start having sex. He’s on top and is pinning my arms above my head. Honestly, if this guy proposed right now I would probably say yes. We both finish (me for the second time; him, too loudly) and collapse next to each other. I ask him where the bathroom is because I need to pee so I don’t have a repeat of a UTI situation that happened last year. That was not fun. While I’m in the bathroom I decide that I’m too tired to go back home. I’m glad that I don’t have any classes until the afternoon the next day.

10:30 a.m. I wake up. He’s not there, but I see a text he sent an hour ago saying that he had to leave for class.

10:50 a.m. I need to get home but I can’t find my shirt. I know he pulled it off of me somewhere in the hallway but it seems to have disappeared. I borrow one of his; this way I’ll have an excuse to see him again.

9 p.m. I’ve been letting the homework pile up. There will be no sexcapades tonight.

DAY 3

6:30 a.m. I’m thinking about premed guy as I get ready. We made plans to get dinner tomorrow (Saturday) and I’m hoping to get most of my homework done before then. I’m beginning to think that I’m in danger of losing my honors spot.

7:45 a.m. Subway guy isn’t here today, which is unfortunate because I promised my best friend a picture of him. 

10:30 a.m. I wonder exactly how strict Columbia actually is about its ban on student-TA relationships. My probability-and-statistics TA seems like he would be good husband material. I think what they’re most worried about is students feeling like they were coerced. Maybe if I’m the one who comes on to him we can sidestep this problem altogether.

3:50 p.m. Premed and I text each other and complain about our roommates.

10:15 p.m. I take a break from homework to masturbate but I keep getting distracted thinking about if it actually was Ben Affleck’s penis in Gone Girl. If it was, then kudos to him. I’m not sure why this thought is distracting me from masturbating.

DAY FOUR

12 p.m. Thank God it’s Saturday; I was in desperate need of 12 straight hours of sleep. I’ve never been the type of person who can function normally on not very much sleep.

7 p.m. Trying to decide what to wear to dinner with premed, assuming the evening ends how I want it to: with more sex.

7:55 p.m. I get to the restaurant (sushi); he’s not there but to be fair I’m the only person I know who gets everywhere five minutes early.

8:10 p.m. Why can’t everyone be on time always?

8:12 p.m. Receive a text from premed: “Hey, I don’t think I can make it.”

“Why?”

“I need to drive to LI, a friend needs to borrow my car.”

“…”

8:15 p.m. I go home; this isn’t the first time I’ve been stood up but it annoys me that I won’t be getting laid tonight. 

10:35 p.m. I text premed “u back yet, we could order in …” I wonder if this is too clingy, then decide that I don’t care. He ends up telling me that his ex-girlfriend’s cat needed to go to the emergency vet but her car broke down. I ask if the cat is okay.

He tells me that the cat needed to be put down. Shit. I ask if the ex is okay. He tells me that she is distraught. Fuck.

11 p.m. I don’t really care, but I’m not interested in seeing somebody who will drive out to LI without any notice to take an ex-girlfriend's cat to the vet. I do commend the ex-girlfriend on her scheming though.

DAY FIVE

9 a.m. I wake up and masturbate to release the pent-up energy I have from not getting laid last night. It takes a while because I can’t decide who to think about. Finally the thought of subway guy going down on me gets me off. Twice.

11 a.m. I meet some friends for lunch; we talk about our sexual misadventures. One girl says she’s thinking of breaking up with her boyfriend because she walked in on him watching porn. I don’t see why this would be a problem until she says it was anime porn. I try to decide if anime porn would be a deal-breaker for me. I decide it would be.

4 p.m. I’m at home with my best friend; she’s telling me that she’s thinking of hooking up with a girl. I did this once two years ago — going down on her was completely confusing and I still don’t know how to do it. Oh well, it’s not like I need to.

10:45 pm I can’t decide if I want to see premed guy again. I like him, and I definitely like fucking him, but I don’t have an almost-dead cat to get his attention with.

11:50 p.m. Sexting premed while watching Grey’s Anatomy and wondering what would have to be going through someone’s mind for them to think it’s acceptable to fuck in a hospital elevator. Premed is surprisingly terrible at sexting. I don’t even bother trying to masturbate. I, however, am great at sexting; he tells me I got him off.

DAY 6

7:45 a.m. I think subway guy saw me take a picture of him. Oh well. Maybe this will lead to us actually talking to each other.

10:15 a.m. Husband-material TA is alone at his office hours. This seems like a sign, although it might just be a sign that nobody else is having problems with the homework. TA and I spend five minutes talking about the homework and then 15 minutes talking about this skiing resort we’ve both been to and about Milan Kundera’s novels. We agree that The Unbearable Lightness of Being is fantastic because it counts as classic literature but it’s also a pretty dirty book.

2:45 p.m. In the library I run into a guy I used to date. It’s awkward because one time I got drunk and made out with his best friend and I don’t know if he knows about that. It’s also awkward because he’s wearing salmon-colored douchebag shorts and I have to stop myself from saying something about them for the sake of being nice. I don’t think he knows about me making out with his friend because he asks if I want to get coffee later. I say yes partially because I still sort of like him and partially because I know he’ll pay for the coffee.

4:30 p.m. Shit, I should have said no to coffee-ex. I didn’t realize how much I missed him. Why does it take me so long to get over people? I might consider getting back with him, but the salmon shorts are throwing me off. Why do guys think they look good in those?!?

8:40 p.m. Hanging out with my comp-sci friends because we all need to finish our projects. This attempt is thwarted when it turns out someone brought booze. I get talkative and tend to overshare when I’m even the slightest bit buzzed and I end up telling my friend that I once dreamed he was fucking me in a typewriter shop.

DAY 7

8:20 a.m. Wake up to a text from coffee-ex: His sister’s boyfriend is having a gallery opening party in Soho tonight and would I like to go? I text him back that I would. He says he’ll pick me up at nine.

12:45 p.m. Texting both premed and coffee-ex at the same time. Coffee-ex and I are trying to figure out why we broke up. He definitely doesn’t know that I made out with his best friend. Premed and I are telling each other about our sluttiest exploit. Having both of these conversations at once is getting confusing, especially because my sluttiest exploit was with coffee-ex. (It was about seven months ago and happened in Columbia’s mathematics library.) Premed wants to see me tonight. I can’t decide if I want to fuck him or coffee-ex, because I have decided that I want my evening to end in sex.

2:10 p.m. I spend all of class trying to decide whom to fuck. In the end I do the polite thing and don’t cancel on coffee-ex.

9:35 p.m. I’ve never been able to be interested at a gallery opening. I say, “Let’s leave.”

9:50 p.m. Coffee-ex and I are making out in the cab. I always feel guilty when I do this, but it’s fun so I push the guilt aside. We go back to his place and go down on each other on the couch. He has gotten better at it. We don’t have sex, which is okay because maybe I want to try actually dating him again. We’ll see.