It’s Fall, and the Scream Queens Have Pumpkin Spice Latte Rage

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The first episode of Ryan Murphy’s campy horror-comedy Scream Queens established that we’re in for a season of pure homicidal evil. Sisterhood is beautiful.

The premise, familiar to those with the Scream franchise: In 1995, Kappa sorority members covered up the death of a member who had the nerve to birth a secret baby during a party and subsequently bled to death while everyone else was dancing to TLC. In the present day, current Kappas (all named Chanel) and their new pledges are being picked off one by one by a mysterious psycho killer in a devil suit. The show promises a high death count, gnarly murders, and mean-girl behaviors that will make the woman who wrote that infamous sorority rant letter seem nice.

The murders are both grisly and full of social commentary. Last night’s episode offered a hydrochloric-acid spray tan, hazing by mayo shots, a woman who live-tweeted her own demise, and a deep-fried face. Emma Roberts (Chanel No. 1), delivered about 40 racist, homophobic, anti-feminist one-liners a minute; hating her will be what unites us all. But the moment that really delivered had to be this rant over autumn’s most divisive treat, the Pumpkin Spice Latte. Nothing is scarier than a shrill demand for a “Trenta, no-foam, five shot, half-caf, no foam, Pumpkin Spice Latte, with no foam at 210 degrees," except for the thought of what might happen if she doesn't get one.