Halloween: Who cares? A holiday that has long been dominated by the child, the try-hard, the insulting, and the "slut," Halloween is not for everyone. Fans of candy know the real truth, which is that candy is actually available year-round, and anyone who is so eager to dress up can surely do so any other day of the year. Live a little! Halloween can be every day if you want it to be!
But that doesn't change the eye-rolling fact that parties on Oct 31 abound, and your friends, like the assholes they are, will not tolerate your insistence that you go as "nothing" and that "you're only here for the spiked cider." For the Halloween-hater who does not have the time to construct an elaborate tribute to Hillary Clinton's pantsuits this year, we — your humble servants — have you covered.