Large Cat Too Full for Sex

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A lazy jaguar or is it us? Photo: Panoramic Images/Getty Images

What's not to love about Salman, the jaguar who seeks out food more than sex? The 12-year-old jaguar on breeding loan to New Delhi from a zoo in Kerala, India, is having some problems getting randy with his proposed female mate, Kalpana. It's not that he doesn't find her attractive — she's a babe, duh — it's just that he finds something else a little more enticing: the stacks of buffalo meat that his keepers feed him every day.

His keepers told The Indian Express that Salman "reaches out for his meals more keenly than for Kalpana" and that the hungry jaguar is "too fat to breed," so they're going to have to send the big boy back to his home in Kerala. Poor Kalpana: After Salman's arrival at the New Delhi zoo, she had been seen "trying to entice him but he lies in a corner and refuses to respond."

Can we blame the guy? He's fed 13 pounds of buffalo meat a day in the summer, six times a week. "He is lazy, a glutton, just loves to eat and relax," his keepers said. Hm, sounds just like us. Let the dude chill.