People Has Discovered Our Hot Dad Fetish

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Photo: People

People’s Sexiest Man Alive issue turns 30 this year, and like many 30-year-olds, it has marked the occasion by suddenly becoming attracted to dads. Instead of just selecting a perma-douche or any standard-issue hunk, People has determined that David Beckham, whose retirement brand is Guy With Kids and Abs, is the sexist man of 2015.

Beckham deserves this, People explains, because besides the abs, he’s also a “hands-on father,” who is “tough and tender,” “romantic,” and, crucially, someone who “vacuums.” He’s the sort of dad who embarrasses his kids by appearing on billboards modeling underwear, rather than by doing yard work in his underwear. Though I wouldn’t be mad if he did show up in my yard with a rake ... excuse me, I have a new Dad-rotica novel to e-publish.