Vogue Really Wants to Ruin Thanksgiving Dinner

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Make it stop. Photo: Yvonne Duivenvoorden/Corbis

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, the most glorious eating day of the year. Sure, you'll probably have terrible heartburn after savoring all of those fantastic side dishes and pies, but that fact hasn't stopped you before, and nor should it. Yet there are plenty of outlets that will remind you that your dinner could add up to 2,500 to 3,000 calories with snacks and drinks, then offer helpful tips to "strategize" your meal so you can "indulge responsibly." These stories threaten the very fabric of Thanksgiving dinner. Here, a sampling of the sacrilege we've witnessed this year alone.

How to Juice During Your Thanksgiving Dinner: Six Expert Pairings, Vogue
Your detox has already started, remember?

Save Hundreds of Calories on Thanksgiving — Without Even Noticing, Popsugar
Dark meat instead of white? Our taste buds will surely notice. Also, a curious pivot from a previous story proclaiming that the best dieting advice you'll hear this Thanksgiving is not to diet.

Here's What 200 Calories of Every Thanksgiving Food Looks Like, Business Insider
Behold, the world's most depressing infographic.

This Is Your Body on Turkey, Time
In case you want to know that you wouldn't be so damn tired if you didn't eat as much.

Here's The Worst Food You Can Eat on Thanksgiving, Vocativ
How dare you insult delicious pecan pie like that.

The 5 Worst Calorie Offenders on Your Thanksgiving Table, Food Network
Wait, the home of Paula Deen, Guy Fieri, and the Barefoot Contessa cares about calories?

Smart Swaps for the Most-Fattening Thanksgiving Foods, The Weather Channel
Wait, The Weather Channel cares about calories?

Here Are 6 Turkeys You Could Adopt Instead of Eating This Thanksgiving, Time
The lowest blow: carnivore-shaming.

Meanwhile, the folks at the Huffington Post seem to have the right idea. In their triumphant piece, How To Tell If You Ate Too Much on Thanksgiving, In One Chart, the answer is "you didn't."