Just Try to Prove This Fan Isn’t Married to Bieber

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Photo-Illustration: Getty Images

Let us all simultaneously bow down to this genius Bieber superfan. In her dedication to her obsession with the singer, the British 22-year-old — who also has five tattoos in his honor — legally changed her last name to Bieber to pretend she's his wife.

"I always call Justin my husband when I talk to people. I say 'I've got to go, my husband is just on the TV,'” Gabrielle Newton-Bieber told The Daily Mail. “They find it a bit weird because we are not really married.”

Well, all those judgmental blackhearts can suck it. Gaby could very well be married to Bieber! You don’t know. She has his last name — what other proof do you need?

I applaud this tactic. It’s sort of operating on the principles of The Secret: Just change your last name and wait, patiently, until the universe manifests a marriage license. On that note, I'd like to announce that after I change my name to Allison P. Fassbender-Elba-Skarsgård-Theroux-Rubin, I plan on registering at Williams-Sonoma.