Is Eating in Bed a Crime Against Linens?

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Renée Zellweger as Bridget Jones.
Renée Zellweger as Bridget Jones.Photo: Miramax

Is it ever okay to eat in bed? On Wednesday, chef Nigella Lawson proclaimed that it is. In an interview at the Sydney Opera House, the cookbook author and TV host admitted she keeps her nightstand stocked for such frequent bed-eating occasions, with Tabasco, English mustard, salt, and other condiments. “It’s not meant to be funny,” she snapped as the audience laughed. “It’s very helpful.” In fact, one of Lawson’s greatest luxuries is snacking atop her very expensive linens. “And then I ruin it by dumping soy sauce all over it.”

Is this gross or brilliant? Could you sleep in a bed littered with crumbs? Is she actually talking about sex seasoning? Read on for the Cut’s take, as discussed in our chat room.

Kathleen Hou, Senior Beauty Editor: This is funny: “Nigella Lawson Is Really Dirty in the Bed, Gets Defensive About the Quirky Contents of Her Nightstand.” “Nigella also keeps a chili sauce, soy sauce, another hot sauce and Tabasco in her nightstand, ‘although I don’t always know whether Tabasco’s the right sauce,’ she lamented.”

Allison P. Davis, Senior Writer: I love that. I feel so ashamed when I eat in bed.

Kathleen: But listen to this, she says: “The ridiculous thing is that one of my great luxuries is that I like very expensive and gorgeous bed linen,” she said, “and then I ruin it by dumping soy sauce all over it.”“

Stella Bugbee, Editorial Director: This is criminal. A crime against linen.

Kelly Conaboy, Writer: I don’t understand why breakfast in bed is thought of as a luxury. It seems gross to me.

Kathleen: It’s not gross if it’s not my sheets.

Diana Tsui, Senior Market Editor: Unless you are the neatest eater in the world, no.

Allison: I like to take my breakfast in bed on the weekends, like a lady of leisure, while watching Netflix.

Kelly: A real Downton Abbey.

Allison: It’s SELF-CARE.

Kathleen: It’s only okay with scoopable food — like if you need a knife, get off the bed. And no staining condiments, nothing can get soy sauce out.

Stella: It’d be pretty gross to come to someone’s bed and there’s all these brown stains all over and they’re like, “Don’t worry, it’s SOY SAUCE.”

Kathleen: Or red stains (“Don’t worry, it’s sriracha”).

Stella: Also, what on earth are you using hot sauce for when it comes to sex?

Izzy Grinspan, Senior Editor: I think eating in bed is only acceptable if you’ve just met someone and you are crazy about them, e.g., “Let’s stay in and eat Chinese food in bed,” in which case you’re doing something taboo together.

Leah Rodriguez, Producer: I feel like growing up in the city you’re just taught to not bring food into the bedroom ::::critters::::: No matter how neat you think you’re being, there’s always a few sneaky popcorn kernels that appear the next day.

Diana: You don’t want roaches! Also, can you imagine sleeping on a bed of crumbs? You can’t tell if you have bed-bug rashes or crumb-induced itching.

Megan Greenwell, Features Editor: Yes, that’s what gets me. Not to get all Princess and the Pea, but I would feel crumbs ALL THE TIME.

Kathleen: But like, on a weekend, a bowl of oatmeal in bed sounds good to me .

Susan Rinkunas, Health Writer: I eat in bed when I am sick, drunk, or hung-over, the end.

Stella: Wait, am I the only person who thought it was sex-related? That’s fine, clearly I am a freak.

Kathleen: I interpreted that she just likes her food well-flavored.

Diana: Food and sex sounds like a recipe for either a yeast infection or like a weirdly sticky body. That doesn’t sound that good. No one eats condiments straight-up. I just imagined her going to town in bed with a slice of pizza and hot sauce.

Leah: Is Nutella considered a condiment?

Stella: Asking for a friend.

Ashley Weatherford, Associate Beauty Editor: I didn’t think it was a sex thing. The woman likes to eat!

Stella: If it’s not for sex, then I truly don’t understand.

Allison: But she was talking about hot sauce! What kind of sexual experience involves hot sauce? That’s strictly for scrambled eggs. In bed.

Stella: Exactly! I was like, “Innnnnteresting.” Alert Cosmo.

Diana: As an ardent hot-sauce lover, that’s not something I want for sex. Ever. That’s a recipe for blinding pain in parts you don’t want to burn.

Allison: Though it would make Nigella a lot more interesting to me in general.

Leah: Better have some yogurt on deck to treat that situation.

Allison: Now we’re talking sexy.