Pope Francis Believes God Thought the Internet Was a Good Idea

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Pope Francis, a big Tinder fan.
Pope Francis, a big Tinder fan.Photo: Franco Origlia

What do you think when you look at Twitter first thing every morning, or receive a text from some asshole? Something like Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift! or something more like I wish the internet and my phone would freeze beneath the eight to 12 inches of snow from the upcoming New York City snowstorm and stay there forever, frozen and dead, I hate them so much. Hmm. I’ll tell you what Pope Francis, supposedly a “cool” pope” but often not so much actually, if you really think about it, said, and then you tell me if you agree.

While he was meeting with Apple chief executive Tim Cook on Friday [pushing glasses down bridge of nose in order to look you in the eye and give “mmmhm”-type look, to indicate that Pope Francis is a sellout], Pope Francis released a message for the Roman Catholic Church’s World Day of Communications saying, “the Internet could be used to build a society which is healthy and open to sharing.” Yeah right:

“Emails, text messages, social networks and chats can also be fully human forms of communication. It is not technology which determines whether or not communication is authentic, but rather the human heart and our capacity to use wisely the means at our disposal.”

Oh yeah? What about when some asshole tells you “ya” on there, or just responds “ok” when you ask if they wanna hang out? What about when the relative you thought was normal reveals himself to be a Republican on Facebook, and now you’re accidentally fighting with him? What about when some egg calls you a slut on Twitter and he doesn’t even have any followers?!

Pope Francis continued, calling these methods of communication “a gift of God which involves a great responsibility”:

“Social networks can facilitate relationships and promote the good of society, but they can also lead to further polarization and division between individuals and groups.”

No kidding, man. “Read the comments, they’re occasionally helpful!” I assume he added.